出国留学申请之个人陈述写作技巧及范文
发布时间：2013-10-25 15:28:16
个人陈述(Personal Statement)写作技巧
自述，也即Personal Statement, 是所有出国文件中最重要的部分，它是申请者最主要的自我包装。申请被录取和经济资助就是要把自己推销给评审者。你的重任是让这一文件反映你的个性和才智。写自述即使对以英语为母语的北美学生也是颇费心力的事情，对中国申请者来说，用英语写作本来就是困难的事，更何况自述是为了表现和包装自己，有违我们的文化习俗，写起来往往备感吃力。中国申请者往往没有面谈的机会，这份文件因而愈发显得重要。
我们要忠告所有的申请者，你必须抓住机会，充分而且恰如其分地表现你的人格力量、智慧和已取得的成就。在此文件的创作中要花大量的精力，决不能知难而退，草率从事。你已经花费了多年的心血，完成了大学甚至是研究生的学习，你也可能又在随后的工作岗位上积累了宝贵的经验，现在又通过艰苦卓绝的努力，成功地考过了TOEFL和GRE。然而，你的任务并没有结束。你必须静下心来，有条不紊地处理多种文件，而其中自述是重中之重。
怎样真正地把此项工作当作重中之重呢？那并不是赶紧去习一本所谓范例然后照着抄，而是要借此机会严肃、认真和全面审视自己的才能、潜能、出国留学的目的。这种对自己的能力、向往和追求的透彻的了解是写好自述的基础。根据编者在国外求学、工作的经验，可以这么说，在写好自述这件事上，中国留学生可以说是遇上了一个深层次而且是重大的文化差异。所谓"深层次"就是说这个差异不是西方人喝咖啡中国人喝茶、西方人称"Darling"而中国人称"孩子他妈"那样简单。
北美的许许多多的"雇主"-----大学的录取评审者，确实是非常重视求职者、求学者对自身是否了解，对自己的前途和目标是否明确。在他们的文化中，这样的自我了解被视为是人的素质中很重要的一部分。他们的文化同时也十分重视对自身的了解和对目标的追求做出个性化的表达能力。本文并不是要讨论文化问题，而是力求以最短的篇幅给读者以最大的实用指导。本软件编者最大遗憾就是申请者把写作自述一事当作官样文章而草率应付。北美教育机构的官僚主义常常更甚于我国，但要求写自述，的确不是官样文章，而是给申请者一次表现自己的机会。读者切记，这样的表现一定要富有个性。
怎样判断自述是否反映了个性呢？最简单的就是看第二个人是否能写出一样的或是差不多的内容。真正的富有个性的自我介绍是不可能与其他的信雷同的。尽管有许多人有着看上去类似的求学、求职经历，但是每个人对学习、工作、事业和他人的感受应该是独有的而且也应该是独特的。即使两个人所有的学习和工作经历都相同，也都计划去同一个领域里深造，引发他们对该学科感兴趣的外部事物和内心感受也必定是有区别的。所以，在我们谈到写作自述其他注意事项之前，首先要求读者要独具创意。在写作自述的时候，认真而全面地审视自己的方法就是默默地自问如下问题：
1. 对所要申请的学校和专业是否有了深入细致的了解，能做到在写自述时紧扣学校和专业的要求及特点，突出自己申请的优势？
2. 我的人生经历中有什么独特的、非同寻常的地方？在我的家庭生活和社会生活中有哪些人或事件影响了我的人生观和事业追求？这些影响有什么与众不同的地方？
3. 我最初是如何对目前所选专业感兴趣的？我在其后的岁月中又是如何加深了对这一学科领域的认识？我在这一领域已经取得了什么样的成绩？是什么因素使我自信，能够在这一领域有所建树？
4. 在上学期间我从事了那些助教、助研、社会实践、暑期工作？通过这些活动在什么方面得到了提高(比如科研能力、组织能力和领导能力等)？在步入社会后的工作中完成过什么项目，取得了哪些成就，表现出何等才干？
5. 我的最终的事业目标是什么？
6. 在我多年来的考试成绩上有没有需要解释的地方？比方说我大学成绩一直很优异，但GRE成绩却不怎么理想；我高年级的成绩是否比低年级的成绩有显著的提高？
7.在自我奋斗的过程中是否需要克服超常的困难，如家庭生活贫困、身体残疾等等？
8. 我是否具备杰出的品格，比如诚实，可靠、善良、刻苦等等，而我能否提供真凭实据来加以证明？我是否具备值得一提的很好的特别的工作习惯和态度，以及禀性上的优势。
9. 我具备什么样的特殊才能，如分析能力、领导才能和交流才能？我为什么比别的申请者更具有在事业上成功的把握？
要回答这些问题的确是不容易的，但你必须在正式写作自述之前全面准备，对这些问题加以认真思考，因为你的自述需要回答所有这些问题或其中的大部分。
对内容有了把握后，就是要注意写作技巧了。这里说的写作技巧不是英语水平的问题，而是写作的思路、取材和段落的安排。写自述的最大忌讳就是写得毫无特色、枯燥乏味。要知道每一个录取评审委员需要阅读成百上千份自述，其中大多数的自述的内容都是雷同的，他们不可能有时间、精力和气力在平淡中寻找不寻常，努力发掘你的优秀之处。要写得醒目，抓住读者的注意力，这个责任完全在于你自己。
所以，自述的第一段或者是前二段至为重要。这头一、二段必须能够引起读者对你的兴趣，并且能够得到关于你个人的最重要的信息。如果你的头一、二段的内容中有闪光之处，能够给人留下不可磨灭的印象，那就达到了最佳效果。绝大多数的申请者的的确确有着类似的学历和工作背景，而且现在又追求一个共同的目标：攻读研究生。在这样的情况下，读者应该不难想见，不论我们是汉语，还是用英语，描述自己的经历和追求的语汇和句式终究会趋向雷同。编者所强调的"独特性"，决不是仅指在语言上要独树一帜。获得独特性的更重要的有两个方法：一是寻找独特的思想方法或者说是审视自己的独特角度，二是在陈述过程中采用故事手法。
采取第一种方法时我们从多种角度着眼确定文章的基调，我们在此对三种较常见的类型写作时所应遵循的策略进行简要论述：
1. 克服生活中的逆境型：Peterson's Guide中曾经登载的一封外国人申请时写的自述，作者的家庭背景是贫苦的、不识英文的第一代亚裔移民。作者没有回避自己多花了几年时间才完成大学的教育并且成绩较差这一惨痛的事实，而是就此问题展开对自己的介绍。他的家庭贫困，作为长子肩负帮助父母抚养年幼的妹妹的重任。这样，完成大学教育对他来说需要艰苦卓绝的努力。因此，通过他的叙述，一位奋斗不息、刻苦耐劳并具有高度责任感的年轻人的形象跃然纸上。
这位作者申请的学校是法学院，难度较大，但作者有力地陈述了他的理由：他的父母像许多亚裔移民一样，不通英文，更不懂在美国用法律的手段来保护自己的权益。他现在申请读法学院，目的就是为了将来能够运用法律的武器维护在美国少数族裔的权益。
这样的信读起来感人至深，作者当然也被录取了。成功之处就在于作者能用独特的角度来看待自己的经历和追求的目标。他所陈述的经历、思想和感受与其人生奋斗的目标达到了高度的统一。
在写这种在逆境中奋起的自述时，应通过用事实来描述过去的经历及其对自己的求学、事业和人生目标的正面影响，但切忌耽于自我怜悯，或因一种谴责评判的方式使文章显得充满怨气。
2. 自我成长型：这种 申请人在生活、学业和工作上虽不可避免地会遇到挫折，但相对来说，他们的生活进行得比较一帆风顺。写这种自述一定要用正面、肯定的语气，清楚、精炼，同时又要充分、多方面地展示自己独特的才智、事业和求学的追求方向。
3. 家庭影响型：这种情况下可以是好的家庭背景对申请者产生了正面的影响，也可以是艰难或不好的家庭环境作用于申请者，使之反思而发奋图强。写正面的影响时注意不要过分渲染家庭的帮助，督促向导作用，因为这样的作者往往不知不觉中会给评审人留下一种自我缺乏主见和动力的印象。同样，写不好家庭的背景时，也不要太多着墨于那些问题，重要的是突出自己不随遇而安、屈从命运安排的精神和志向。
下面再谈谈"故事手法"。所谓"故事"并不是要为自己的经历编故事，而是要有一点(不要太多)生动的情节。除了思想角度外，生动的情节是表现个性和独特性的又一法宝。许许多多的人可以有类似的经历和背景，但他们生命中的具体经历一定具有独特的场景。恰当地描绘一下这样的场景，就会使全文散发出生动而新鲜的气息。比方说有人在谈到家庭的不幸时具体地讲述了因交不起房租被赶到街上过夜的惨痛经历。还有的文中虽然没有任何戏剧性的情节，但作者在好几处细节都突出了自己善于独立思考的个性。作者用朋友们的疑问来衬托出自己决定重返学校、出国深造所饮食的智慧和胆识。作者在谈到自己的业余爱好时，也没有像大多数申请者那样列举出一长串清单，以表现自己多才多艺、面面俱到，而是诚实地说自己没有什么爱好，只是喜欢独自旅行，在大自然中汲取营养和力量，但这爱好却与全文塑造出的深沉和独立思考的性格十分吻合。
至此我们谈到了全面和深刻地审视自己、寻找独特的角度以及注重运用细节等问题。下面还有一些材料的取舍问题提出来供读者参考。
首先，千万不要遗漏掉那些有用的和中肯的成就、经验等等事实。
申请研读的学位越高，那么以往科研、学术成果和工作经验等等就越是重要。许多申请者错误地认为自己发表的文章已经列在履历里面了，在自述中就不应该再提。其实，个个履历是一份完全不同的文件。它是对个人经历的一种简洁而全面的介绍，使读者对申请者能够很快有一个大致的了解。自述则是需要(或是希望)读者仔细阅读的，它要介绍申请者的成就、抱负和个人品德。所以申请者不用担心内容上的重复。还有许多申请者硬是要把自述的篇幅压缩在一页纸内因而只能很简要地提到自己的成就。其实，如果内容充实，为什么不能写到二至三页呢？比如说到发表的论文，往往只提到一个题目。其实，写一篇科研论文往往是要付出巨大心血的。这不光是写篇文章，而是反复的科学论证和无数次实验的结晶。申请者起码应该用二至三个句子，说明这篇论文所代表的实验、实验用的方法、目的和获得的成绩。还应该说明通过发表这篇(或几篇)论文，申请者在这一领域做出了什么贡献，获得了哪些思想方法、认识和科研手段上的提高。
还有的申请者犯的是一个相反的错误，他们把高中甚至更早的成就也不厌其烦地列在自述上。比如当上了三好学生、少先队长之类的。因为中国学生申请的学位最低的也是硕士研究生，大学时期的成绩或是随后工作上的成就更为贴切，也应该足以用作素材了。当然，少儿时期的成就，若是对随后的学术道路产生了重大的影响，也可以提。有的申请者对某一学科，比如说数学，情有独钟，很早就显露出天才，在中学时期在数学竞赛中获奖，由此激发了对此学科的强烈兴趣，从此矢志不渝，这样提就非常妥当。
最好不提的还有政治观点、宗教信仰和其他一切容易引起争议的不同寻常的话题。有个别申请者在文件中提到了"上帝"这样的字眼，犯了西方社会宗教和学术分离的大忌。
我们建议你撰写自述时没有必要对自己的事业和生活道路上的挫折讳莫如深。只是在描述或提到经历的苦难，挫折或失败时，切记不要流露出乞求怜悯恩赐，或气愤怀恨的情绪。许多杰出的人物都曾经历过困屯。人们一般会欣赏那些不被困难压倒，不因失败沮丧，在逆境中寻找光明的人，关键在于你是否用积极正面的态度对待挫折并表现出这种积极的态度。
最后需要提醒读者注意的是，写自述绝对不能一蹴而就，写好后需反复修改，清除多余的部分，增加与针对申请学校和专业相对应的内容，密切注意句与句之间，段落之间，及整篇文章意思的逻辑联系。可多方听听他人的意见。务必做到文章中不存在任何文法，语法或拼写上的错误。这种疏忽看似无关紧要，实际上它们有时恰恰能出乎意料地破坏你力图在评审人心目中树立的形象。很难想象，繁忙的教授在连着数次看到简单的语法或拼写错误后，还会相信你是文中所说的一个认真的精益求精的人。
避免错误开头方式（工程类）
PERSONAL STATEMENT
1 previous Education:
When in the high school I first used the computer, I was attracted by it. From then on, to become an expert in the field of electrical and computer technology has been my favorite dream. In 2098, successfully passed the most competitive examinations, especially in the mathematics I got the full score (120 out of 120), I was admitted by the Electronic Engineering Department of Tsinghua University which is the most distinguished university in China.（这是中国学生最喜欢的一中开头方式，可是并不符合statement的一般习惯，请学习修改稿的开头方法。）
During my academic years, I worked hardly （work hardly 与 work hard 的区别相信大家都知道，这样的错误是不可原谅的。）and obtained good scores in most courses, especially in the basic courses and major courses. When graduation, my overall GPA ranked the upper 10% among about 200 students.
Education at Tsinghua University emphasizes practice. In the third year of study, I applied to join the Lab. of Information Systems. In the lab I successfully designed "2Mb/s PCM Digital Interface (32 frames)" which was used in the analogue PBX (Private Branch Exchange). In 1993, I independently designed "Speech Signal Processing Card" which was used in the SUN SPARC station. This card's successful design solved the problem that the SUN SPARC station could not be used to the speech processing and the multimedia application. From these designs I accumulated the experience of hardware development and mastered the knowledge of communications theory and computer technology such as the hardware structure of the RISC computer, UNIX operating system and programming. Through the five years of study in Tsinghua University I have not only mastered rich professional theory but also accumulated strong experience on hardware design and software program. All of these laid a solid foundation for my further work and study.
Because of my hard study, as reward, I was recommended to enter the graduate program at Tsinghua directly, waived of the admission test. It is Tsinghua's policy to endow the most distinguished students such preference. However, anxiously wanting to practice my knowledge in the real work and because of some other reason, I resigned the esteemed privilege.
2 Work Experience
After graduation, I have been working as an electronic engineer in North China Institute of Computing Technology (NCI). She, awarded as "Chinese royal computing institute", is the earliest and most famous computer institute in China. In the institute I entered a new field --- automation and got the chance to practice my knowledge learned from the university. In order to work better, in these years I have learned some textbooks by myself, such as:
Computer Control Technology, Contemporary Control Theory,
Electrical Control Technology, Process Control & Automation Device.
In more than three years I worked very hard and completed some projects perfectly. Because of my firm skills in hardware and software and strong background of theory, in 1995 I was appointed as the leader to manage and design the computer control system --- "Distributed Control System (DCS)". In the period less than a year, under the cooperation and support of others, my colleagues and I completed the design of system structure, modules' development, software system programming and the debugging of the whole system. This system is the Real-time computer control system and can be combined up to the 2048 channels. In the project I independently designed the kernels --- CPU module, two other modules and the I/O interface software. This system is at the leading position in the automation field of China.
Electrical and computer engineering is developing fast, in order to keep up with the advanced technology, I left North China Institute of Computing Technology (NCI) in Aug. 1997 and joined my now working company - a telecommunication research and development center which is supported by North Telecom Corp. and BUY (Beijing University of Yanjiu). This center mainly makes the research and development in the telecommunication field and keep up with the newest telecommunication technology. In this active center, with my strong theory of electronics and working experience, I have made the large devotion to the center and accumulated advanced knowledge of telecommunication in a short time.
More than eight years study and work, I have accumulated various kinds of technical experience in the hardware design and computer application. I believe such experience will be a strong basis and good prepare for my future study and research.
3 Plan of Study
My degree objective is MS and then Ph.D. If possible, my major interest in the future will reside in the following areas:
Control Systems, Communications Engineering,
Digital Signal and Image Processing, Microcomputer Applications.
After completing my program, I will come back China. Cherishing what I have learned at your department, I will have many things in mind to do. I will foster research in the university and devote myself to teaching.
I convince that nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm, I am excited about electronic research, and I am dreaming of studying under you soon.
Could please accept a willing heart and realize my dream?
材料组织凌乱无序（经济类）-改后稿
正在读大学的申请者，也许可以参考这种写作法来完成自己的statement.
A top student of international finance at the Beijing University, probably China's best institution of higher learning, I would like to scale higher intellectual heights by undertaking advanced studies in your Master's program. Such studies will help me fulfill a dream that I have inherited from my parents: the eradication of poverty in China.
Although I grew up almost a pampered kid, I have learned of the scourge of poverty from my parents by listening to their stories about their childhood. My father, now a well-known professor of chemistry at the Sichuan University, was almost starved to death in the 1960s when his home village was mired in famine like many other parts of China. My mother, a manager of personnel with a major Chinese corporation, saw her youthful years slipping away in the chaotic "cultural revolution" period. Braving their trial and tribulation, they have always worked hard and are now well-established in their own careers. But they want more than a good life for themselves. They want to help make sure that no one in China will have to suffer in the future the way they did in the 1960s.
Prodded by my parents' high expectations, I have studied diligently over the years, drawing constant inspiration from the learning spirit prevalent on the campus of the Sichuan University, where my family had our home. While in primary and high school, I was always recognized as the best student, for which I was sent to numerous national and provincial contests and earned many awards. These include a First Prize in the National Physics Contest of High School Students and a Second Prize of the Sichuan Mathematics Contest of High School Students.
The hard work paid off in my impressive performance in the 1995 National University Entrance Examinations, with which I won acceptance into the School of Economics at the Beijing University, described as the Harvard of China by President Bill Clinton on his recent trip to China.（北京大学在中国很有名气，但老外也不一定知道，像这里这种介绍方法就很有力量。）
At the Beijing University, I have been exposed systematically to concepts and theories of international finance and economics. At the time I entered into the university, I did not know much about economics. My parents, in their zeal to make me an economist, had chosen the major for me. I am now so glad that they did so. The clear logic and advanced mathematics inherent in the economic analyses and hypotheses have particularly fascinated me. From Adam smith's Wealth of the Nation to the Game Theory by Nash to J. M. Keyes to Samuelson, I have been inculcated in virtually all the great works of economics.
One of the good things about Beijing University is that it teaches the students not only knowledge but also how they can do research themselves. I have thus been trained in a variety of research methodologies. I now understand how great economists grasp the economic reality and appreciate their readiness to ask questions on things that other people may take for granted. I recognize there are no perfect answer to some of the questions in economics, such as "how to deal with the ethical components in economy?" Basking in the academic freedom that Beijing University cultivates, I have devoted more of my time to doing research myself than doing the assignments.
Although an economics major, I have learned most of the courses in the mathematics department. In my economics studies, I feel that mathematics is critically important in modern economics, as some modern theories of economics are demonstrated by pure mathematical induction. Seeing that mathematics courses in my department were too easy for me and too simple for more abstruse economics, I got the textbooks for the math majors and taught myself what they were learning, auditing in some of the classes of the Department of Mathematics.
Never content with just performing well in my exams, I have been keen in obtaining hands-on experience. To understand the real problems in real life and thus put what I have learned from books into practice, I joined an investigation group organized by the University to investigate some big state-owned enterprises in Shanxi Province in the summer of 1997. We found, much to our horror, that many of the enterprises were plagued by chaotic management, big losses and a lot of redundant workers. On the basis of careful research, I now think that a way to save them is to institute a shareholding system for the enterprises so that the management can be held accountable to the investors.
From September to November in 1997, I got a good chance to help sort out documentary materials for the central government's Ministry of Foreign Trade & Economic Cooperation at its Department of American & Oceanian Affairs. On that job, I learned a lot about international trade. In the summer of 1998, I worked for the Special Appliances for Labor Protection Company in my hometown Chengdu, advising the manager on how to improve the company's managing and marketing system. Some of my advice was readily accepted. To have a taste of the stock market in China, I invested 2, 000 RMB in the stock market in January 1996. From May to November in 1996, the prices of stocks soared, and as a result, I earned over 900 RMB, which I promptly donated to a charity project for the education of poor children in the rural areas.
But hard times hit me in December 1996, when the government threw cold water on the excessive speculation by vowing not to prop up the stock market in any circumstances. The prices of stocks plummeted immediately, and I lost about 300 RMB. From the sudden fluctuations, I learned that the Chinese were still inexperienced investors and that the regulatory regime over the stock exchanges needed a lot of improvements. I have also acted as a private tutor for a 15-year-old boy for a year. I taught him mathematics and English and improved his grades in the two subjects from C to B. This way, I not only earned some money but also get some experience of teaching.
Through the above and other activities, I have enriched my experiences gained a profound understanding of my motherland and its urgent need for quality economists. I have made up my mind to devote my life to the research and teaching of Economics. To achieve this career, I must pursue more advanced studies. I have already learned economics in probably the best economics program in China. To meet higher intellectual challenges, I think it is best that I do graduate studies in a Western university. With the knowledge I have learned at Beijing University and the practical experiences I have gained in recent years, I am confident that I can meet the requirements for acceptance. My goal is to become a professor teaching economics in a Chinese university after I complete my graduate studies
To pursue studies abroad, I have achieved an excellent command of English. I have read many economics essays written in English and helped translate English essays for professor Hu, my teacher, when she is too busy. To improve my oral English, I have frequented the English Corner on the Beijing University campus, where students often gather to conduct conversations in English. I have also watched many American movies in English. Now, I can talk with the foreign students in my department fluently. I do believe that I will have no trouble studying in English in America.
With anticipation and excitement, I am now applying for acceptance into your graduate program in economics. As a student, I have achieved excellence in China, and I should achieve no less in the US. The combination of my quality education in both China and the US should send me soaring into an enlightened intellectual realm, from which I shall finally see the light at the end of the tunnel for China's problem of poverty. I can, and I should, help realize my parents' dream. （好文章应当首尾呼应。第一段提到父母的梦想，结尾时重新着眼于这个梦想，文章就变得强有力了。）So I sincerely ask you to consider my application favorably.
语言干涩表达错误（会计类）-改后稿
该文原稿语言干涩，且很多地方表达错误，或不合作者本意。试看第一段剖析。
A senior student at the business school headed by China's tough Prime Minister, I will graduate next year with a diploma to be conferred by the Quebec Association of Certified General Accountants in Canada in the first joint educational program of its kind between China and a foreign country. To build up a great career upon this rare privilege, I am now applying for advanced studies in your quality program, hoping that I can someday become one of China's top accounting experts.（原文初看不是很差，但语言晦涩干巴，经不起推敲。改后稿行文简洁流畅，第一段开门见山，把该作者最精彩的地方一下子推倒最前景上，使人立即对申请者刮目相看。）
At Tsinghua, the country's most valued cradle of advanced talents that houses my favored School of Business Management, I have been head and shoulders above（远远超出） most of my fellow students in my class of 122. I ranked among the top 2 per cent in macroeconomics, top 3 per cent in microeconomics, top 5 per cent in international finance, and top 2 per cent in international trading. My performance in mathematics has been particularly strong, with my GPA in related courses probably the very best in the class. The CGA diploma requires completion of 12 courses taught in English, of which I have finished eight, with a GPA better than that of most others.
My distinguished academic performance won me the privilege of being chosen as the only Special-Training Student in my class of 122 to join the university's Program for the Gifted. Through this elite program, I participated in a challenging research project headed Professor Chun Xiyang, head of the school's accounting department. The project was aimed at finding the best way to control cost at the North China Petrochemical Corporation, one of the country's best known companies. As part of my research, I studied the corporate management systems in the United States, Japan, Britain and Germany, and analyzed the structure of Chinese companies. By the time I finished my part of the project to Professor Chun's satisfaction, I had not only broadened my knowledge but also acquired the ability, unique among China's undergraduate students, to conduct research independently.
Taking advantage of the university's emphasis on cultivating independent thinking and practical research abilities, I have actively engaged in a variety of research activities. I teamed up with several students to investigate into China's township enterprises and wrote a research paper under the guidance of our professors. With the help of my professor in public finance, I studied the country's taxation system that is designed to divide revenues between central and provincial governments, and I did this in comparison with the taxation regimes of America and France. My article, China's Taxation Reform, analyzed the possible approaches of improving that system. In my third academic year, I wrote The Accounting Structure in Share-holding Enterprises, an article that dealt with the solutions to the problems in the accounting system of the said companies. In my second year, I worked as an intern at China Industrial and Commercial Bank and acquainted myself thereby with the prevalent accounting practices of the country's financial institutions. Such involvement in practical research has added both depth and breadth to my learning of accounting.
Much of my academic achievements can be credited to my solid command of the English, which has allowed me to read international accounting journals with ease. Among my regular readings are Accounting Review, Accountancy, Public Finance Review, and others. I have translated Proposed Statement of Financial Accounting Concepts. My English proficiency is also reflected in the scores I obtained in various English tests such as TOEFL (633, 10/97), GRE general (total 2220, verbal 660, 93%; quantitative 790, 98%; analytical 770, 96%), and GMAT (740, 99%; verbal 40, 92%; quantitative 50, 99%). I am sure that, with such language skills, I can pursue advanced studies in an English-speaking environment.
In recognition of my outstanding academic record, the university has selected me to enter into graduate studies without the usually mandatory admission exams, a privilege given to only a few of the very best students each year. I have, however, decided to turn down the offer. I believe I will be able to learn more on the accounting/finance program by pursuing graduate studies in your university. Your program of graduate research and studies is known to be holding a leading position in the field. Under the guidance of your distinguished faculty and with the benefit of your remarkable research facilities, I am sure I will be able to ground myself solidly in my chosen career. After my Ph.D. studies, I plan to return to Tsinghua, where I shall devote myself to a lifetime of teaching and research.
避免使用简历形式（通讯类）-改后稿
文章一开头就讲述了自己最初是如何对所申请专业发生兴趣的，接下来再按时间顺序回顾自己的学习和工作经历，使文章显得跌宕起伏，避免了平铺直叙。
With intense interest in network communication, I am writing to apply for acceptance into your graduate program for advanced training.
I first developed this interest in 1995, when I was still an undergraduate majoring in automatic control. I tried to write some database programs to be applied on a LAN. That proved to be a tough job, but I successfully finished it, winning substantial monetary benefit for myself. But more importantly, I discovered where my true academic interest lay and made up my mind as to what kind of career I would pursue.
The choice of network communication for a career was no accident for me.（这是一个很好的topic sentence，承接上文，解释了自己选择这一专业的必然性，借机回顾自己的学习经历和专业背景。） The National University of Defense Technology, where I did my undergraduate studies, offered many courses that helped to prepare me for network communication work, such as mathematics, computer hardware and computer software. To further ground myself in the field of network communication, I took a host of courses with the university's Department of Computer Science, like networking technologies and TCP/IP transport. I also taught myself some typical NOS, such as Netware.
Upon graduation in 1996, I have been working with BC (Beijing Center). My duties have ranged from monitoring channel error rate to utilizing and maintaining modem, including LAN management & maintenance and other things relevant to data communication. With the heavy working load, I have accumulated rich experience and developed a strong capacity for independent research.
In 1997,I attended CNE training programs (Novell Certified Network Engineer). This training furthered my understanding of network communication and made my knowledge in this area more systematic. It also helped to clear up my confusions about optimizing LAN performance.
I have therefore equipped myself with both adequate theoretical knowledge and rich working experiences in Data Communication. I believe I am able to complete the graduate study successfully.（这一段承上启下，总结了自己的学习和工作经历并进而指出自己有能力完成研究生学业。）
Graduate studies in network communication will not only satisfy my intellectual curiosity but also enable me to make significant contributions to this country's National Information Networks, equivalent to America's concept of information superhighway. As much expertise as I have now, I feel that I cannot yet play any leading role in state-of-the-art research. I need to upgrade myself further so as to keep pace with the new technologies that keep advancing.
I am happy to have learned that your department offers some excellent courses in advanced technologies and that it provides opportunities for the full development of individual capacity and originality. I think it is one of the best places for me to undertake my graduate studies. Among the various subareas of network communication, I am especially interested in the following: (1) Network Communication, (2) Distribute Computing, and (3) Computer Architecture. Any of your suggestions about my specialty orientation will be highly appreciated.
结合各个方面内容（建筑类）
A self-portrait
Brought up in a pure environment surrounded by mountains and woods, I deem myself a lucky person born with natural gifts. They were showed on art, music and memory at a quite early age and continued to serve as parts of my distinctiveness as I grew up. Despite one of the youngest student of my class, I studied very well and was always randed No.1 of more than 300 students of the same grade during 6 years of middle school study.
What I have learned?
In 1992, through the highly competitive college entrance examination, I was enrolled in the Department of Architecture, Tsinghua University, the most famous university in P.R.China. the five years of study in Tsinghua were really fruitful. I study lustily on my major courses, such as: Architecture design (studio works), the History of Architecture, City Planning, Architecture Construction, Watercolor and Sketch Painting, etc. I also absorbed the latest knowledge in Architecture Design from different kinds of professional journals. dUe to my strong interest and diligence, my grades remained the top level in my class for five years, and I was awarded scholarship every year. I was awarded Bachelor of Architecture in July 1997.
What I have done?
Education at Tsinghua emphasizes practice. Besides obtaining excellent record in course work, I have worked as part-time research assistant in my department since I was a junior student. The research work I have taken part in includes: "commercial district planning and design" (my diploma project), "Cashi Contemporary Art Museum in Xinjiang", "Solar energy laboratory factory in Tsinghua University" and so on. The research work was not easy, especially when it was a subject that had rarely been done in China. I had to consult many books and materials, design various kinds of computation models, and then choose the practical ones. But the harvest was rewarding. Through the past four years of studio work, I have not only become familiar with the Architectural design methods and numerical related theories, grasped various drawing skills and use of some computational software, but also gained many beneficial experience which, had I not met these difficulties, would never have been acquired. In addition, I am very proud of my extracurricular experience: upon graduation in June 1997, I worked as a part-time employee of Yunxiang Architectural Design and Engineering Company. I took part in the design of apartment complex of Xizhimen, which makes me very familiar with the design processes in such project. Later, I was hired by Western Architectural Design & Engineering Company, where I was responsible for project design. I worked as the main designer of two projects: "The Agricultural Bandk of Dashiqiao city" and "The Railway Station of Dashiqiao City". These two projects all won the bid. During the past year, my interest in Computer Auxiliary Design has grown steadily and my knowledge in this field has also expanded considerably. However, I think there are a lot of things I have to learn. That why I wish to undertake graduate study at you university.
Why I choose Architecture?
In the realm of art, I have developed a special interest in architecture. This is not only because I have taken a lot of courses about "architecture", but also because I have a strong concern with our civil architectural status. With the rapid development of industry, the problems related to architecture are serious in our country. The unreasonable largescale building and construction have made a booming scene in our civil environment, at the same time, it also caused a severe problem on our architectural design --- should these mixed and disordered buildings exist to the future or not? While large-scale construction results in a further damage to our living condition and natural environment --- it is also a global problem. Hence, predicting the direction of architectural design in tomorrow China, giving the aid of architectural management as well as developing efficient economic systems to minimze the waste and pollution to our natural environment has become a major concern of modern architecture in China. I decide to go on my study in Architectural Design, and my knowledge of Historic Protection, City Planning, Economics and management, Architecture Construction and Computer Auxiliary Design will combine together.
Why I choose USC?
Decision on which school to attend is one's biggest investment in life. Keeping this in mind, I consider USC as my first choice chiefly for the following reasons: (1). Univ. of Southern California is a world famous, large private university with a leadership position, whose fusion of public spirit and independent means generates remarkable opportunities for our students. (2). The scientific prowess of the faculty, as demonstrated by their publications. (3). My professors of the department strongly recommend architecture program in your university as the first choice, your facilities of library and research are all the best in USA.
I hope to study in depth.
If possible, my major interest in the future will reside in Economy Design in Architecture, Architecture Management and Architectural Design Modeling, and Housing and Land Management. However, due to my broad interest in Architecture, there is always no limitation on specific programs. If admitted, first I hope to do a March. Thesis. I wish to work closely with professors in my field. According to my knowledge background, I have an inclination to do a practical project, in which I can work very well. After that, I will consult my supervisor on my Ph.D. research. I do have the ambition and daring to do high-quality Ph.D. research and make great contribution to my field. Besides, I hope the papers on professional journals will reflect my efforts.
I am looking ahead to a niche in life.
After completing my program, I will leave my Alma Mater and return to China. Cherishing that I have learned at USC, I will have many things in mind to do: foster Economy Design in Architecture research in China, invite some leading Architects to visit China, and organize an Asian forum for the exchanges of ideas.
Upon the culmination of my research career, I will devote myself to teaching.
Could please accept a willing heart?
I believe Emerson's words: Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.（这句Emerson的名言必定曾出现在什么蹩脚的留学申请文书样本上，因为我们见过很多人不约而同地在抄用它。本来，这是一句闪烁思想火花的话，用得恰当也未必不可放进申请文件。但似乎没有一个人用得恰当的。大家基本上都觉得这是一句挺“牛”的话，不管三七二十一地往自己的文件里塞。放倒是放了，但读起来真让人觉得作者很愚蠢，因为它与前后毫无关联，谁也搞不懂这句话与作者到底有什么关系。明眼人，譬如Admission Committee的洋先生们，一下子就能看出作者在敷衍了事。类似滥用名言警句的例子还有很多，都对申请者没有什么好处。） I am excited about research in Architecture, and I am dreaming of working under you soon.
尽量选择独特角度（计算机类）
本科生往往没有太多的东西可写，重要的是要找到unique的角度。本文学习目的写得相当明确。
A fourth-year student grounded solidly in the basics of computer science, I am writing in pursuit of graduate studies that I hope can help me acquire cutting-edge expertise in software programming in general and parallel processing in particular.
Intrigued by the power of the computer since high school, I have been trying to stay on top of the computer science by concentrating my undergraduate studies on those subjects that underpin the discipline, particularly mathematics and electronics. To build up my solid knowledge in these subjects, I have taken virtually all the related courses that the university has had to offer. These courses include Algorithm & Data Structure, Mathematical Modeling, Network Theory, Digital Circuit, Discrete Mathematics, and Electric Circuit. With a sophisticated understanding in these areas, I have been well positioned to appreciate the basic theories of computer science and their applications to software development.
Aided by the firm command of the basics, I have found it not only easy but also exciting to study the various subjects covered by my major. As most of my classmates, I took a variety of courses ranging from AI to Computer Network, from AI Programming to Knowledge Engineering, from Pattern Recognition to Software Engineering, and from Database Design to Programming Language Design. But I distinguished myself by my academic record, which places me as one of the very top students in my class. My grades in these course never went below A or B. I have also stood out as one of the few who have taught themselves Real Time System and Computer Graphics.
Armed with sound training in the basic theories and applied technologies, I have been able to move on into deeper and wider areas of computer science. Early in my university life, I began to understand that the modern computer's base, the Turing machine, was reaching its limits in AI. Gradually, I have narrowed down my research interest to parallel & distributive computing, which I understand can significantly boost the performance of personal computers by giving them some of the functions of mainframe computers.
Of all the areas of computer science, parallel processing fascinates me the most. The term first came to me when I read the book Computer Organization & Design: the Hardware/software Interface as part of my Computer Architecture course. By teaching me how the performance of computers can be improved through pipelining and parallel processing, the book reshaped my thinking in computer science.
My lab experience deepened my understanding of parallel processing. In my third year, I worked on a GIFT project with Dr. Komatsu, chief researcher of IBM Tokyo Research Laboratory and Dr. Koseki, one of Dr. Komatsu's colleagues. The project was to introduce the architecture supports that can allow compilers to derive more parallelism from programs. These architecture supports include three designs, a conditional execution mechanism to execute instructions without normal conditional jump instructions, speculative execution mechanism, and a dynamic memory disambiguation mechanism to execute memory access instructions simultaneously.
As undergraduate students seldom get to be involved in actual research, I took full advantage of the opportunity of working in the lab. I particularly enjoyed the seminars held twice a week as part of the lab work. At these seminars, I engaged in in-depth discussions with Master's students under Dr. Komatsu's seasoned guidance. The lab experience is adding weight and insights to my graduation paper An Improvement of Software pipelining using Loop Transformations. In this paper, I will introduce a translation algorithm using loop interchange and loop skewing. This algorithm can minimize the initiation interval of loop nest to improve the performance of software pipelining.
Through my lab experience and other research, I have developed a long-term professional objective: the advancement of the parallel processing technology. While I have strong faith in this technology, I also know its limitations as it is today. Some sequential algorithms can't be easily translated into fast parallel algorithms and most compilers can only distribute works on one platform. Another unsettled problem is that programming parallel computers is now still a manual work. But even the modern language (like Java, C++) can do some automatic translation work. If a compiler can be developed to translate and distribute work into different platforms, personal computers will be able to work like mainframe computers at a fraction of the mainframes' costs. This will make it possible to connect all the computers in the world and speed up all the processes.
To help take the parallel processing technology beyond what is capable of today, I have to undertake more advanced studies. This, I believe, can only be accomplished in a quality graduate program like yours. I plan to pursue a master's degree with a concentration on paralleling and distributing compilers, operating systems or computer networks, a combination thereof. With the training that goes into such an advanced degree, I think I will be able to take great strides towards fulfilling my professional objective. When I do, I think I will be standing on the cutting-edge of the computer science.
将劣势转化为优势（地质类）
这篇文章的作者出生于贫苦家庭，通过自己的奋斗取得了相当不错的成绩。他的起点较低，条件较一般人更为困难，而国外的学校比较重视通过自己的努力所取得的成果，因此像这种情况值得多费一些笔墨来描述。但不要简单的哭穷，而要表现自己如何克服重重困难取得成就。
In connection with my application for acceptance into your Ph.D. program. I am enclosing the following statement concerning my hard life, professional activities, and tentative future plans.（这句话出现在很多Personal statement中，显然是从某一本范例上原样照搬下来的，但是实际上并不是很好，关于其中的缺陷可以参看第一篇范例--"失之泛泛言之无物"中的介绍。）
I am from a poor family.（这句话过于平直，作为段首句应当提纲挈领，讲出本段的主要意思，让人有一个基本的概念，然后再围绕这句话展开，效果比平铺直叙要好得多。 把中心句放在句首是个好习惯，能一下子抓住读者的思维，使他在短时间内留下深刻的印象，这在写作Statement时是一个很有用的技巧。） When I studied in Junior Middle School, my elder brother and sister were reading B.S. degree. Although my parents worked day in and day out, they still could not afford our fee. Therefore, I graduated from Junior Middle School in 1986, and received the highest score in my school at The County Entrance Examination for Senior Middle School,（外国人不一定知道Country Entrance Examination是什么，有什么地位，因此像这种考试可以作一简要介绍，但不能瞎吹，华而不实反而效果不好。关于Highest Score的问题，前面也说过，中国学生喜欢将自己历来各项高分罗列一番，而实际上也要视情况而定。有所取舍，避免给人留下自吹自擂的印象。） but my parents declined my requirement to study in the topmost high school at provincial level, and let me study in technical college because it waived my fee.
Upon acceptance to Changsha Nonferrous Metal College, my major became geology. I spent most of my time in studying and received complete, profound, and strict training in geology. As the result of my dedicated work, I had obtained an outstanding academic record, which ranked second in 120 students. （在这里讲自己的排名并不合适，因为排名一般以最终结果为准，而后面还要讲大学里的生活，这种顺序安排就显得不恰当，最好将其排在毕业后的介绍中。这种逻辑上的连贯和清晰的重要性往往不亚于语言本身。）During my college years I became more and more interested in geology and was awarded consecutively scholarship for all four years. My senior year was largely devoted to topics in mine geology, and my required thesis focused on the Computer-assisted Methods for Grade Optimization of Gold Mine in the South of China.
After graduating in 1990, I was employed by Jiangxi Geology Prospecting Bureau. For the first year, I was assigned to make geological reconnaissance in Denxin region of Jiangxi province. Although forest cover was very dense and it was very hot in this district, my colleagues and I finished 150 square km geological survey, finding 7 valuable mineralization anomaly belts. This job trained me a strong trait on how to overcome the difficulties in hard conditions. A year later, I, as an assistance geological engineer, took part in the geological prospecting of Jinshan gold deposit field in Dexin region which was funded by State Gold Administrative Bureau. In this task, I was familiar with sorts of geological works from geological prospecting design, drilling, geological compiling to reservoir calculation, economic evaluation. The most important work I did was that I developed a set of statistical prognosis modelings for gold deposit in Jinshan gold ore field and circumscribed 10 promising prospecting targets with these modellings, eight of them later verified with gold anomaly. Because our geological team had an outstanding contribution to gold industry of China in this project, we were award the excellent prize of geological prospecting report of China in 1994. More than four years of working experience expanded my capacity, but I was also aware that mathematics is very important to geology. For example, how to prognosticate quantitatively mineral resource reservoir, how to represent geological process with mathematical formula. Solution to these problems would improve our understanding on our earth, but they were often difficult to be solved because they included knowledge of many mathematical disciplines and required many new research methods. I felt that what I had learned was far from sufficient to tackle all these problems. Thus I decided to continue my education by pursuing a advanced degree in mathematical geology. （这段话举的例子很有说服力，既有实践上的，也有学术上的，表现了作者各个方面的能力。但是问题在于写得比较啰嗦，而且段落太长，使得读者的思维不容易集中，因此要分开作为两段，分别突出重点。）
I was admitted by university of Science and Technology Beijing to study for a Master's Degree in mathematical geology in 1994. （以下从略）
将劣势转化为优势（地质类）-改后稿.
在对这篇文章的修改中，我们把让原作者心中惴惴的劣势转化为他的优势。原作者提到所受中专教育时闪烁其辞，似乎想躲开他这段历史。不得已而进行的记述非常defensive，似乎干了什么见不得人的事。其实，他的担忧是完全没有必要的。老外们非常看重的是你的智慧和潜力。如果你的起点比别人低得多，经受的磨难比别人大得多，而你取得了和别人一样甚至比别人高的成就，那恰说明你不仅勤奋努力而且聪明过人。本作者没能上大学本科原不是自己的过错，但他在劣境中不断向上，最终进入了国家最高科研机构学习。这完全没有什么不好意思说的。所以，我们开篇伊始，就将他的背景和经历进行了概括的介绍，用他贫苦的出身和他日后的成就进行鲜明的对比，同时又提到他现在还志存高远。这样就可以给人以深刻印象。
Born into a family beset with poverty, I had to give up a normal undergraduate university education in favor of vocational training before I finished high school. Exercising diligence to give full play to my intelligence, I parlayed my vocational career in the provinces into graduate studies at a top university in the nation's capital, Beijing. Now a Ph.D. candidate with China's topmost research institution and a postgraduate in a world-renowned program run out of Paris, I wish to vault to the forefront of the field of spatial statistics by pursuing doctorate studies at your university.
I made a most reluctant choice in 1986, when I finished my junior high school. In the entrance examinations for senior high school, I scored the highest total of grades in my county that year, making me eligible to join the privileged band of students at the best senior high school in my native Jiangxi Province. If I enrolled in that school, I would be virtually guaranteed acceptance into one of the country' top universities later on. But my family could not, in its destitution, possibly afford the exorbitant cost of sending me to that coveted school. In fact, they could not pay for my further education in any school. In a desperate effort to continue my education without putting any financial encumbrance on my family, I gave up on senior high school and went instead to the Changsha Nonferrous Metal College, a non-degree vocational training school that waived all my tuition fees. Fighting against all odds, I pushed through four years of intensive studies in geology at this college by surviving on scholarships that I won every year.（这段话理清了原文的逻辑结构，使得自己出身贫苦、努力奋斗的特点得以突出，加强了说服力。）
Upon graduation in 1990 with the second highest academic ranking among 120 students, I obtained a job working for the Jiangxi Geology Prospecting Bureau. The first project I worked on at the Bureau led to the finding of seven potential mineralization belts in Jiangxi Province. With this success, I was chosen, a year later, to join a team of geologists to prospect the Jinshan gold deposit field in the same province, a project funded by State Gold Administration. This project taught me different aspects of geological work. A significant part of my contribution to this project was that I developed a set of statistical prognosis models for gold deposit in Jinshan gold ore field, with which my colleagues and I circumscribed 10 promising prospecting targets. Eight of these were later found to be potential gold mines. This project was a significant boost to the China's gold industry and won us the prize of excellent performance among the geological prospecting teams of China in 1994.
(以下从略。略去的部分大致讲：Thanks in part to my achievements at work, I won admission into the graduate program of mathematical geology at the Beijing University of Science and Technology in 1994. After obtaining my Master's Degree in 1997, I joined a Ph.D. program at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, which has decided to send me to Paris for advanced training.)
故事手法表现个性（医学类）-原稿
In connection with my application for acceptance into your Ph.D. program, I am enclosing the following statement concerning my life, professional activities, and tentative future plans.
I was born at a small village on November 15th,1966. In Guizhou province of China where has green hills and clear waters and the characteristic of people who live there is very simple. My neighbor is a single man who used to be a sailor. It is who that let me make up mind of becoming a physician, when I was young, I very liked to listen to the story of sailing about him and his experience of traveling around the world. When I have difficulty in doing something, he always encouraged me and said: "There is nothing that you couldn't able to do… He is a very unusual person in my mind. One day, this old man went up to mountainto pick up medicinal herds, but unfortunately he fell down from the cliff, when he was brought back, blood stains all over his body and he had already been unconscious, but we couldn't find even one doctor on the scene. So he must have been taken to the far hospital, but he died in the end. I was so sorrow that I cried. I swore that I would become a doctor form then on. I will save lots of people like the older man. I kept his words in my mind, studied diligently. No matter I was in primary school or in high school. My grades are always outstanding. I passed the entrance examination to university and my scores rank twenty-seventh among all students who take test in Guizhou Province.
I was engrossed in studying major courses at university, because I know that if someone want to become a doctor, you must do well in your introductory courses in the same way that the higher a building, the sturdy the base must be. When I was a sophomore, I encountered professor Li. He is a humorous and kind person. It is he who brought me to the field of experiment physiology which is magical, and it is he who let me become interested in test physiology. While I was studying at university I was nominated as a research assistant to a study group which was led by him. I was the only undergraduate of that study group. I worked about three months in his group. During that time, I not only enhanced my ability to think over independently and to solve problems, but also refined my skill in doing something myself .At the same time, I found working at the lab far more interesting. I always reminded myself that if you want to become an excellent doctor, you will have to study hard and deal with each problem seriously.（我在努力付出的同时也得到了相应的回报）I was awarded consecutive scholarships for all five years in university. I was awarded Excellent Undergraduate Scholarship. (3students awarded over 10,000 students of Lanzhou Medical University). I assumed a class president that deal with daily life of thirty students, and I was awarded for Excellent Student Cadre in 1985,1987and 1988 respectively. In my five school years, my overall GPA (3.5) ranks upper 5% among 350 students of the same grade. In the last two years, my GPA ranks upper 2% among 350 students of the same grades. So I was nominated into graduate school without having to take entrance examination. But I gave it up. Because I had no choice, I grew up at a small village where people are very poor. my brother and sister were till going school. I am the oldest child of my family. I must have supported my family, meanwhile I wanted to realize my vow to be a doctor, I was thinking about walking into the society, and saved a great number of people from suffering. So I chose to work.
In 1989, I entered into Department of Ophthalmology of Lanzhou Railway Hospital. In my first year, I finished the basic training for a clinical physician. From 1990 to 1992, I was working as a resident doctor. Within two years, I was able to deal with common eye-diseases, frequently occurring illnesses, and a few serious diseases and do basic operations. During that time, I published some theses, one of them (A Clinical Analysis of Dioptric Situation in the Patients with Senile Cataract) was praised for the first grade at the yearly symposium of our province, and one. (A Clinical Observation of Treating Optic Atrophy with Composite Citicoline) was praised for the first grade at the yearly symposium of our hospital. In 1992, I was recommended to study further in Tianjing Hospital of Ophthalmology. I studied strenuously, thus I made tremendous progress not only in my level of basic theory but in clinic practice and ability to do operation. I had studied
My decision was opposed by many friends around me, Because I had a chance to be admitted to graduate study just after graduation from the university. But after decade effort, I have established my own position, my enterprise has been developing and going up step by step. Now I give up my working, it is not surprising that my boss many of friends don't understand me. But I am taking opposite view, first of all, interest is prerequisite of success, I must realize my dream at university. Going back one step is for going ahead two steps. Just as an athlete of long jump, in order to jump to the further distance, must go back several steps in advance. Now I need to brush up on my theory, in order to give the rein to my a merits and establish foundation for my future career. Giving up today is for success tomorrow, furthermore, my family had gotten rid of poor economical condition, my parents are pleased with their lives, my little brother and sister have graduated from the university and taken part in jobs. I have nothing to worry about . I believe that the five years study at university and my working experience will be very helpful to my further study.
In my past ten years, I have already encountered some frustration and failure, but I had never given up my dreams of goal. I still remember that older man's words: There is nothing couldn't be able to do except for your giving up.
I would really appreciate your serious deliberation over my application, as I have pondered very seriously before I made up my mind to send in this application. I am sure that. If I can be lucky enough to study under your seasoned guidance and with the necessary financial assistance, you will be training one of the best Chinese basic medicine research in China of the 21ST century.
For the successes I have achieved so far, I have enjoyed the kind help and support from many people. My further successes are now dependent on your support and appreciation, and I hope you will be generous in offering both after you have reviewed my application. I shall be looking forward to your early reply. Thank you.
故事手法表现个性（医学类）-改后稿
很多中国留学申请者在自述中写个小故事。整理得好的话，这种小故事会让人感到亲切真实。但绝大多数情况下，中国学员要么没有找到很好的故事，要么有好故事也讲不出来。本篇原文有一个关于邻居的故事，本来也不错，但离文章的主题太远了些。修改稿中把关于邻居的故事取消了，但强调了抚养弟妹的事实。这样一改，文章变得更紧凑和更有说服力。
A doctor on the formidable plateau in China's Qinghai Province, I have been hankering for graduate studies for almost ten years. The wish has had to be buried until now because I, as the oldest child of a poor family, needed to work, and work hard, to put my brother and sister through all their education. With my duties of the first born finally discharged, I would now like to start pursuing my own dream, a big part of which is to obtain a Ph.D. degree in a quality medical school in the United States.
Born into a small village in the mountainous Guizhou Province, I went to the Lanzhou Medical University, the leading medical school in the country's Northwest, on the strength of my outstanding scores in the 1984 National University Entrance Examinations. To build up a solid foundation for my career, I concentrated my studies on the courses of my major, achieving an academic record that was one of the best in the university at the time. My GPA ranked me among the top five per cent of the 350 students in my grade in the first three years and the top two per cent in the last two years.
My strong academic performance won me honors and scholarships every year during the five years of my undergraduate studies. These included the Excellent Undergraduate Scholarship, awarded to only three of the university's 10,000 students a year. Compassionate and responsible, I was elected the monitor of my class, which made me a leader to some thirty students. In recognition of my tremendous help to my classmates in their studies and everyday life, the university named me the Excellent Student Cadre in 1985,1987 and 1988, respectively.
Unique among my classmates, I started to enjoy substantial lab experience in my second year, thanks to the opportunity that Professor Li bestowed on me in appreciation of my academic strengths. He inducted me into the magical field of experiment physiology my making me part of his research team, in which I found I was the only undergraduate. Working under Professor Li's guidance, I not only enjoyed the lab experimentation thoroughly but also learned to think and solve problems independently.
To top off my fruitful undergraduate studies, I won an offer of acceptance into graduate studies at the same university without the normally mandatory admission exams. But I turned down the offer, upon agonizing consideration of my options. My family, still stricken with poverty, had had a hard time coping with my university education. As my brother and sister grew up, the cost of their education was exploding. It fell on me, the eldest child of the family, to take charge of the family finances. In a family spirit that dates back ages in China, I gave up my chance of graduate studies in favor of a job that could immediately help me pay the bills.
The choice did, however, turn out to be the right one even from a professional perspective, as it allowed to acquire rich and colorful hands-on experience, with which I have not only enhanced my professional expertise continuously but also built up a solid foundation for advanced studies. In the nine years since my graduation, I have matured as a clinical doctor and a medical researcher.
After joining the Department of Ophthalmology at Lanzhou Railway Hospital in 1989 upon my graduation, my career advanced at a steady pace. After finishing up the required basic training for a clinical physician in the first year, I served as a resident doctor between 1990 and 1992. In these two years, I learned to deal with common eye-diseases and other frequently occurring illnesses. I also handled a number of serious diseases and conducted quite some basic operations.
During this period, I became a profuse medical writer in order to synthesize my clinical practice. I wrote A Clinical Analysis of Dioptric Situation in the Patients with Senile Cataract, which was later rated as a first-grade article at the Qinghai Province's annual medical symposium. Another article, A Clinical Observation of Treating Optic Atrophy with Composite Citicoline, received a first-grade rating at the annual symposium in our hospital.
To further tap my professional talent, the hospital sent me to undertake special studies and research at the Tianjing Hospital of Ophthalmology, one of the best of its kind in the country, for a period of two years. Here, I not only acquired a more solid grounding in medical theories but also perfected my surgical skills. I did research on the Use of Perfluorocarbon Liquid in Complicated Retinal Detachment Surgery, and found that exposure to perfluorocarbon liquids has demonstrated an effect to improve the anatomic and visual outcome for complicated retinal detachment.
Encouraged by the praise other medical professionals heaped on me for my research, I still wrote a thesis Changes in the Blood Rheology, Thromboxane and Prostaglandin in the Blood of Patients with Primary Angle-Closure Glaucoma, published in The Journal of Ophthalmology. At this Tianjin hospital, I took part in many complicated operations, such as Cataract Extraction and Intraocular Lens Implantation after Vitrectomy, Micro-vitreoretinal Surgery and Silicone Oil for Treatment of Perforating Injuries with Retinal Detachments, and others.
After returning in 1994 to my own hospital, I was quickly promoted. Named a leading doctor, I have taken charge of the treatment of some serious and complex diseases. Over the last few years, I have performed many complicated operations, including the Primary Posterior Chamber Intraocular Lens Implantation of Posterior Capsular Rupture with Cataract Extracted by Phacoemulsification and the Foldable Intraocular Lens Implantation through a Small Clear Corneal Incision, and others. My responsibilities also include teaching theoretical courses to interns and other resident doctors, and supervising them in the performance of operations.
In my practice of the last few years, I have developed a strong interest in Pathology and Physiology. To keep myself abreast of the latest developments in this field, I subscribed to "Basic Medical Sciences and Clinics," "Chinese Journal of Pathophysiology," "Chinese Journal of Clinical and Experimental Pathology," "Foreign Medical Sciences," and many other professional journals. With my extensive reading in this field, I believe that this discipline is both the basis and the crux of clinical medicine. As a clinical doctor, I need to not only learn it but also learn it well so that I can keep scaling higher professional heights in my practice. Hence my decision to go back to school.
Going back to school means that I have to put my career in the hospital on hold for a while, but I believe that my enhanced expertise will more than compensate for any lapse in my practice now. Many of my friends object to my decision, pointing out that I am already an established physician enjoying good professional status and handsome monetary benefits in China. But I feel that I now must pursue my career in accordance with my personal interest, which I take to be a driving force behind any real professional success. Once I get to arm myself with more advanced theoretical frameworks and clinical techniques, I should be able to enjoy even more professional respect and financial benefits than I am getting now.
With my family out of the wood now in financial matters, I must seize the chance to upgrade myself. Studies in your program will not only catapult me into a higher domain in my professional practice but also give me the rare chance to pursue my career according to my own academic interest. I am sure that, with such studies, my intellectual prowess will be better taken advantage of to the benefit of many patients.
倒叙手法组织材料（化学类）-改后稿
如果你的经历颇为丰富，你可以考虑先说最近、最重要的部分，以避免把自己的优势埋没在冗长的描绘中。这篇文章的作者经历比较丰富，在核工业部下的一个研究所工作过，在中科院取得了硕士学位，并有多项研究成果。要把这许多材料组织起来不容易，本文采用了一种相对新颖的写作手法，即从当前的生活一步步倒回去，每两个阶段之间加以适当的连接，给人耳目一新的感觉。
An experienced engineer now undertaking advanced research with China's topmost scientific research institution, I am writing in support of my application for acceptance into your Ph.D. program in chemistry so that I can build up an even more productive career on my already strong research background.
I have just obtained my Master's degree from the Chinese Academy of Sciences, which groups together the best and brightest in China's scientific community. At this elite institution, I first received basic training that was both rigorous and vigorous in Radiochemistry and Bio-inorganic Chemistry. Such training furthered my understanding of Chemistry, Biochemistry, Bio-inorganic Chemistry, Nuclear and Radiochemistry and Nuclear Analytical Techniques as well as Computer Sciences. While it is hard to compare the academic performance of students majoring in different areas, I was undoubtedly one of the best in the Academy's graduate school, as evidenced by the Outstanding Graduate Student Scholarship that I was awarded at the end of my first year.
Graduate education at this distinguished institution endowed me with a strong ability to conduct independent research, the kind of ability not often seen in graduate students in China. This is so because the state makes available to it a lot more research opportunities than to others. Starting from the beginning of my second year, I embarked on a study of Nucleic Acids Binding of Rare Earth Elements (REE) in Natural Plants, which continued for two years and formed the basis of my Master's thesis. This study was part of an important basic research project commissioned by the state to determine whether rare earth elements in their natural state would bind with macromolecules. The answer to this question has profound implications to the understanding of the impact of rare earth elements on the health of human beings and other animals.
Through this two-year study, I elucidated the roles of REE in biological and environmental systems by biochemical separation together with nuclear and non-nuclear analysis techniques such as NAA, HPLC, ICP-MS, NMR, etc. In the process of doing so, I developed a very simple and effective method to isolate the nucleic acids binding of REE. I believe that my study has taken the REE research a step forward in terms of both methodology and conceptual understanding.
The success of my graduate studies was built upon the solid grounding I gained in my previous working and educational experiences.（这一句自然地将自己生活的两个阶段连结起来，虽然是倒叙，但并不让人觉得突兀。） Before I was matriculated into the Chinese Academy of Sciences, I had served the country's Ministry of Nuclear Industry at its Beijing Research Institute of Chemical Engineering and Metallurgy for five years. Once engaged exclusively into in top secret research, the institute is staffed with some of the country's best scientific and engineering talents.
Five years of actual research at this institute bequeathed me expertise in a variety of research methods and research facilities. I spent my first year working as an assistant engineer in the Laboratory of Analytical Chemistry, where I learned the analytical methods for some 40 elements and skillfully operated many instrumental analysis apparatus such as AAS, UV-VIS, Spectrophotometer, HPLC Instrument, and X-ray Fluorescence Spectrometer etc. The basic skills I thus gained gave me wings for sophisticated research.
In the following years, I participated a variety of highly important research projects. In a key project of the country the Technical Improvement of Uranium Purification, I helped to develop a number of techniques that are to be used in the country's nuclear power stations. Meanwhile, I conducted a study on the techniques of recycling and purifying ice acetic acid from the industrial waste water. By using my techniques, a major Chinese manufacturer has significantly boosted its profit margin. I have also been involved in a project to develop techniques of removing FE from the products of aluminum oxides. By doing these projects, I acquainted myself with the state of the art in China's scientific and technological progress.
I got the coveted job with the Ministry of Nuclear Industry on the strength of my outstanding performance at the Chengdu University of Science and Technology, a leading higher-learning institution in Sichuan, the most populous province in the world's most populous country. In the four years of my undergraduate studies there, I took a full range of chemistry courses, of which I particularly enjoyed dissipated structure and chemical oscillation and their extensive applications in astronomy, geology, biology medicine, chemical engineering and human science. Taking full advantage of the rigorous training, I made myself one of the top students in my class.
But what benefited me the most was the plenty of hands-on experiences that the university offered us in scientific research. Such research taught me that chemistry is a discipline connected with many other disciplines. Under the advice of the distinguished professor Wei Yongzhi, I wrote an article about the further derivation of chemical thermodynamics equation. I also composed three reports about the latest research in the thermodynamics of non-balance state in the1989-1990 period. My graduation paper was a study of computer simulation in chemical oscillation. The research entailed by these writings was extensive and challenging, and by doing it, I equipped myself with an overall understanding of my chosen field of studies. The interdisciplinary approach has since served me well in my research career.
I think I should continue to pursue an interdisciplinary approach in my Ph.D. studies. I believe that I have been adequately trained in Bio-inorganic Chemistry, Biochemistry, Radiochemistry and Nuclear Analytical Techniques. With such training, I think I am well set to pursue an academic career on the cutting-edge of chemistry. This is why I am now applying for Ph.D. studies at your university in one or a combination of the following areas: Photochemistry of Nucleic Acids, Proteins, and Lipids, Bio-inorganic Chemistry and its application in medicine, life science, Analytical Chemistry.
I am glad that your university has a very strong faculty in these fields. With your emphasis on close interaction between students and faculty, I think I can count on your faculty's help while I seek to scale higher intellectual heights and take up greater challenges.（这种说法值得申请者注意，可以作为写作时的参考。） I already have an extensive and productive research record. I am sure that this record will be greatly enriched if I get to study under your seasoned guidance. Such a record should adequately prepare me for a teaching career at a Chinese university, where I plan to take up a permanent position.
Once I enroll into your program, you should find me a very pleasant person to work with. Over the years, I have been known as both a good team player and a good team leader. Such qualities are exhibited not only in my cooperation with others, like my professors, in scientific research but also in a variety of extracurricular activities I either helped to organize or took part in. In both my undergraduate and graduate years, I was elected to several positions in the student leadership. Using the platforms provided by these positions, I provided a variety of services to other students. I particularly enjoyed editing campus newspapers that would publish writings and other artistic works authored by students. Such publications greatly stimulated the students' creativity and enlivened campus life.
Given my educational and professional experiences, I believe that I make a strong applicant for acceptance into your Ph.D. program, especially when compared with other Chinese candidates. If you decide to accept me, you will be training not only another student but also a promising scientist who is determined to play a leadership role in the scientific and technological progress of the world's largest country. I have already achieved much in chemistry research in China. With the benefit of your guidance and facilities, I can only achieve more. A lot more, I am sure.
清晰叙述专业改换（教育类）-原稿
As an English teacher of the training center at China National Container Corporation, I graduated from the Capital University of Economic and Business in Beijing, China, in 1995. I majored in economic law, a field totally different from what I had planned to study in high school. I remember back to the time when I was in second grade in the primary school, we had to write an essay; the topic was "What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up?" I proudly wrote, "I want to be a teacher!" But I hold a Bachelor of Law degree. Both of my parents are highly educated. My father holds a Ph.D. in electrical engineering from Zhejiang University; he is currently working at the Institute of Space Medico-Engineering of China as a researcher. My mother is teaching English at the Agricultural University of China. I chose economic law under the influence of my parents who, as teachers, felt that a career in economics would be more promising for me since teachers are not well paid in China. Thus I spent four years studying in an area they have never tried or understood. But I have found, after four years, that my real interest is in education, not in law.
I enjoyed studying economic law a lot; but teaching attracts me more. After graduating from the Capital University of Economic and Business, I was offered a job by the China National Container Corporation to supervise their Overseas Sales Department for one year. My job required me to act as a translator. It increased my English competence and enhanced my proficiency in language. This working experience only intensifies my belief that English is indeed important in today's world. It also reaffirms my interest in education and gives me the incentive to further pursue my interests in this field. Therefore, I have been attending training courses in English incessantly and studying on my own.
After one year, I began to teach my colleagues English. I gained valuable experience through this job. I learned how to deal with various types of people since the job requires a lot of human interaction. When I teach them English, they always ask me questions about grammar and the use of idioms. Some of these questions are well thought-of and require a lot of thinking on my part. " To teach is to learn." An old Chinese saying says. The processes of teaching and learning are interdependent, and teachers are essentially lifelong learners. After three years on this job, I have developed better communication and leadership skills and I know the teachers are lifelong learners who feel a responsibility to the students to be mentors and models.
Since October of 1996, I have been working part-time as an English teacher at a Children Ability Training Center of an elementary school. It is my former elementary school. When my former teachers introduced me to a class, they would say: " We taught her when she was your age. Now she come back to tell you more stories she learned!" We designed various training programs in calligraphy, art, writing, mental calculation, and English to help develop the potentiality of children. My responsibility is the English class. In order to teach well, I have to collect sufficient teaching materials in this area. I enjoy it. Working with children is an other challenge to me, which is very different from working with adults. Each child is a vivid book of personality waiting to be studied. Now I understand more on the meaning of "education is an art." In a bilingual Chinese/English education classroom I was working I saw how much of the influence a teacher had on the children. I knew that good teachers existed, because I have had them and I have seen them, but this teacher, who was so dedicated, incorporated the family-got them involved in the child's educational experience. It was good to see the respect and trust this teacher inspired in the children and their parents. A general reflection upon these leaves me with an urge for more professional knowledge on educational theories.
China is now opening and engaging in ever expanding cultural and financial relations with the English-speaking countries of the West. The computer, technology serves as an important tool in today's society. It has been employed in nearly every profession for people's convenience, and is absolutely indispensable whenever high precision and efficiency is required. In the course of teaching, I realized the important role that technology design plays in the present era of technology and international commerce. Yet, my education, teaching and working experience also helped me to realize the many instructional shortcomings here in China. For example, the classroom lesson is too serious; the disadvantage of the serious way of learning is found mainly in that students frequently fail to participate in the class actively. The teacher dominated the 45-minute period and the students are refrained from airing their opinions no matter whether they agree or disagree with what the teacher says. In this case, standing up and ringing one's view forward and therefore breaking the quiet atmosphere require a great deal of courage and, sometimes, a long time premeditation. Even though he does stand up, all these will significantly weaken the effect, and for good reason: the extreme constraint prevents him from expressing his opinion. Furthermore, students are expected to learn only what the teacher tells them. They have little chance to take advantage of others' idea. In my opinion, the class organized in an enjoyable atmosphere usually provides students more than what they've expected. In the practice of teaching, the choice of a method should correspond to the teaching material adopted. One should consider the age, attitude, and mental cultivation of the students, their social and dialectal background, as well as the size of the class. We should design and implement a comprehensive curriculum that teaches values, ethics, and decision making through literature, including mythology, folklore, short stories, biographies, and excerpts from novels. We should prepare teachers and their students to make richer personal and civic decision through literary and historical examples. The curriculum equips students to stop and think about the consequences of their decisions and therefore to take responsibility for them. Good design in educative matters starts with careful attention to the needs and characteristics of the students that the design will serve. Thus, to the above must be added the skill to understand the learner, empirically and empathetically, so that the design of instructional technology can be more than just technically proficient, but educationally valuable as well. The extensive development digital video as a means of delivering instruction, its convergence with computing, which has made it a teaching tool which is both interactive and under the independent control of the student, has resulted in new pedagogical situations which need to be explored. So I feel the need for advanced learning to capacitate me in such complicated teaching.
Therefore, I plan to go to the States for a master's program in instructional technology and media. After completing my master's degree, I may continue for a doctoral degree. Then, I will return to my home country.
I am also applying for overseas graduate study because of the fact that the United States holds the leading position in the research of my chosen field. Your institution, known for its careful and exacting work-ethic and nurturing academic atmosphere, is the university I have long admired. I am confident that with your distinguished faculty and recognized facilities, my potential will develop into knowledge and experience beneficial to both the United States and China.
大专学历申请博士（化学类）-原稿
At the age of 4, like many other ordinary kids, I was curious about everything I saw, especially what things are made of.（写statement时最好开门见山，不要绕弯子。从某一个话题迂回地进入，这在写散文时也许是个好方法，但对于一个必须在五分钟内读完一篇文章的人来讲，可能就会让他抓不住你的最重要的地方。） The most frequent questions I asked my parents were those: what this toy is made of? Are the bowls and cup the same thing, since they are broken so easily? Are the rice and bread made of the same thing because we can eat them alternatively every day? Why the airplane can fly like bird, what is it made of? ......The answers were very fresh and strange to me: plastics, china, glass, steel ...The only thing I got was that there are so many different things to make up of the world that without them we can't even live in this planet.
The elder I became, the more serious interest I rooted in my study and life. In high school, chemistry, physics, mathematics and philosophy are my favorite courses. Chemistry tells me what on earth makes up of every material; physics teaches me how to study the mechanical properties of every material; philosophy guides me to learn every thing not only as it is but also from a high altitude and in a connected way; and mathematics, as everyone knows, is the fundamental shovel to delve every treasure trove.
During my two years in college, the main courses of my study were chemistry. Although my undergraduate program was not as long as four years, my strong desire to knowledge and diligence made quite a firm base of material proponents and structures so that there is no difficulty for me to handle every practical material problems from the angle of chemistry.
Before being a graduate student in Beijing Institute of Light Industry, I had been an assistant pharmacist in a biochemistry pharmaceutical factory and a cosmetic engineer in a Sino-America company for three years each. Raw materials, man-made materials, packaging materials...not only have I improved much in technology: making chemical and microbiological examinations of different drugs skillfully and independently; successfully developed several new types of cosmetics , three of which were awarded the Provincial Scientific Achievements; but also I fulfilled in growing out of a naive college student into a realistic idealist （Self-contradictory? No.I mean I have pragmatic aims这种话显得不够踏实，应当避免在statement中出现类似的说法。）. Now I understand how to tackle a practical problem, no matter a tickler or tiny one , no matter technical or inter-personal affairs(detail see the working experience ). I had been appointed as English secretary of factory director and promoted to GM Assistant in charge of cosmetic raw materials prices and orders.
In now society, material, energy and information are three pillars to keep the world developing. And the questions of my child-time are still haunting me from time to time, although of course not so simple as before. But I want to learn more about materials from other aspects. So I determine to go back to school again and learn from the very ABC of materials.
My major now is structural mechanics of composites and main study is honeycomb sandwich and its applications in civil fields. Dumbfounded as a layman is, at first I didn't even know how to begin my new subject. Once my tutor left me a not difficult problem of composite mechanics, it finally took me three days to complete. But my classmate whose undergraduate major was the same just spent an hour. He just told me, "Your way of solving problem is not suitable." I was shocked and finally understood: I was still sticked to the old way of chemistry learning.（对于自己的不足可以换个说法，这种大实话的方式会给人留下不好的印象。） It's a different major and different method should be applied. Since then, I found a new sky over my head(detail see "research abilities").
From a video program of English teaching, I have seen the pretty and lovely Alberta. It gave me a deep impression. When choosing universities to pursuing PhD degree, I wonder and hope there is a university in Alberta. I found it. It is you ---University of Alberta. Many pictures are coming back my brain: the elegant campus, the great collection in libraries, the state-of-the-art facilities, especially the interdisciplinary program of chemical and material engineering having close connection to industrial applications, which quite fits to my knowledge structure. All of these are attractive to me. So I decide to be a graduate student in your university.
I want to become a multi-winged expert of materials, although I have not learned the traditional courses of materials. I have the potentials to master such courses quickly as showed in my working experience. I do believe I have the smart learning abilities and fresh thoughts of R&D to be a first-rank material expert.
大专学历申请博士（化学类）-改后稿
如果你高考因成绩不理想没有被大学录取，你现在要读博士学位，该怎么写自述？当然，不能说谎！这篇文章的作者高考时没有被本科学校录取，只上了大专，在原稿中，作者担心让人知道这一点，实际上经过处理后，这一经历并没成为劣势。那些在以往考试中成绩不尽如人意的申请者可以参考本文的写法。经过挫折并不是坏事，关键是如何看待，能够从逆境中取得成绩更加难能可贵，更能获得录取官员的好感。
A Chinese graduate student of composite materials, I would like to pursue Ph.D. studies in a program in which I can do advanced inter-disciplinary research that is built upon my expertise in both chemical engineering and composite materials. I find that your program is one of the few where such research is possible.
I am due to complete my Master's studies next year at the Beijing Institute of Light Industry, a well-respected higher-learning institution that has served as a major cradle of engineering talents for light industries in this country. Majoring in structural mechanics of composites, I have focused my studies on honeycomb sandwich and its applications for civilian purposes. Although I did not take many of the traditional undergraduate courses in this field, my graduate studies have proceeded well. Building on my extensive working experience with all kinds of materials, I have completed a host of projects, as listed in the Appendix, that are not only technologically advanced but also commercially profitable. My research has been highly commended by the school.
To accomplish what I have accomplished, I have had to be more intelligent and overcome more difficulties than most of my classmates, for I did not get to receive a regular undergraduate education. Although I performed strongly in the 1988 National University Entrance Examinations and met the requirements for university acceptance, I did not craft a good enough strategy in applying to the universities. As a result, my application fell through cracks, leaving me only the opportunity to study in a two-year college program. Not to be discouraged by this mishap, I studied with diligence and creativity, and succeeded in firmly grounding myself in the studies of material propensities and structures. When I completed that program, I was as capable as most graduates from the honors program in handling practical material problems from the angle of chemistry. （这一段就是具体的处理，通过讲述自己没能读本科的原因，以及后来的结果，前后对比，给人留下了深刻的印象。）
Upon graduation in 1990, I first took up the job of an assistant engineer in a biochemistry pharmaceutical manufacturer, where I was in charge of the development and analysis of several lines of products. I was given the responsibility for VD Calcium Tablet in the first two weeks, as I demonstrated that I was able to do independent research, particularly in terms of quantitative analysis and microbiology inspection, from five raw materials to semi-made and finished products. As my talents showed up, I took charge of the production and inspection of more and more products. Towards the end of 1991, I was awarded the honor of Excellent Employee in the factory of almost two thousand people in recognition of my contribution to its business.
Armed with the ability to quickly grasp the essence of new things, I made even more contribution to my second employer, a Joint-Venture Company of cosmetics. In this company, In the first two months after I was hired, I established, with reference to both the ISO and national standards, the company's standards of packaging materials for 35 different products from corrugated box to paper lid , from glass bottle to plastic cover. During the first half year, I turned myself from just a user of cosmetics to quality engineer of cosmetic actively engaged in R.&D.. Three new products (Elysee Vitamin E Cream, Elysee Tonique and Elysee Lipbalm) I helped to develop were recognized as Provincial Scientific Achievements, for which I was conferred three certificates of Honor. I believe that when one embarks on a new career, he should be quick in accepting changes even though he must still stick to his old principles.（最后加上一句总结，使得前后呼应，结构更加紧凑。）
In these six years of working experience, I greatly improved myself in terms of technological expertise. I made chemical and microbiological examinations of different drugs skillfully and independently, successfully developed several new types of cosmetics, some of which merited the designation of Provincial Scientific Achievements. But more importantly, I learned to ask more sophisticated questions and then answer them.
The years of being an engineer has taught me how to be a person. I learned to be both a team leader and a team player.（这句话十分精炼，表明既能统筹领导，又能团结协作，可以作为写作时的参考。） Working in conjunction with others, I have always held onto the principle of being honest, modest and helpful to others, whether I was just a technician, an engineer or even the assistant to the general manager. I enjoy working with other people. I have been well liked by my colleagues. At the farewell parties for me, some of my friends were so reluctant to say goodbye to me that they would burst into tears.
While working for the Chinese factory, I was once "borrowed" by a college to teach there as an adjunct instructor for half a year. During those months, I often worked late to check students' work and prepare for the next day's classes. I believe that this teaching experience will serve me well should you be able to offer me the position of a teaching assistant.
At the graduate school, I have met new challenges the old way. I first acquired a profound understanding of the basic concepts and theories of mechanics (theoretical and material ones), and then applied the fundamentals to my major: composites. As you can see from the transcripts of academic record, this approach paid off. My first academic article Honeycomb Sandwich Composite will be published in the second edition of the Journal of Beijing Institute of Light Industry of 1998. Now I am writing my Master's Degree thesis, in which I shall compare the mechanical properties of corrugated cores and honeycomb cores, analyze the outstanding characters of the latter, establish the standards of civil-use honeycomb fiberboard, and consider the marketing future of honeycomb fiberboard.
I am confident that the combination of my extensive working experience and my solid academic training has adequately prepared me for advanced studies in my chosen field of specialty in your distinguished program. To undertake such studies, I have learned English well, so well that I was appointed first the English secretary to the factory's director and then the assistant to the joint-venture's general manager. In these positions, I dealt with international visitors and handled English documents. Such English proficiency should prove a great advantage to me once I am enrolled in your program.
Although I am now focusing my academic interests on composite materials, you may find that I may be more suitable for other majors. If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you could advise me accordingly.（加上这句话使专业的选择留有余地，也是值得注意的写法。）
The following is a list of the research work I have undertaken under the guidance of my advisor (mostly in the area of industrial applications of composites)（本文原作者从事了好几项研究，都颇为不错，放在正文中太啰嗦，不放又觉得可惜。有时可以比照本文的做法把项目另列一页附上。）: （从略）
中英文的写作区别（机电类）-原稿
对于我来说，自己动手制造东西的乐趣是无穷无尽的。我最初制作的都是一些偏向机械的东西，例如利用空气动力学原理的滑翔飞机模型，微型吸尘器等。那时我始终可以直观地感受到在这些东西里包含的力学原理。在初中时，我利用电路板制作了一些我感兴趣的小电器，如利用光电管控制室内灯开关的装置，无线麦克风等。但是随着这种活动的增多，我越来越感受到单一的制造手段给我的目标带来的限制--制造那种真正灵活的装置，可以让人类自然地接受它们。
当我在选择大学本科专业时，机电一体化(mechatronics)这个融合了机械，电子，计算机和自动控制的专业吸引了我。不再像过去那样利用单一学科知识制造产品，它使得一个产品可以更好利用多个学科的研究成果，从而可以以前所未有的灵活性来制造我好用的产品。机电一体化这个学科将是人类在制造领域的一次重大改进，对于这一点我期待很久了。
我在中国素以教学严谨著称的工科院校--哈尔滨工业大学(Harbin Institute of Technology -H.I.T.)里度过了4年的本科学习生活。我喜欢这4年里60门校内课程的大部分，但最吸引我的是每一门课程所附带的丰富多彩的试验，实习和论文。每次成功完成一个带有难度的实验或论文都给我一种成就感，我喜欢在学业上不断取得新的成就。
科技以人为本，我认为一件成熟的产品，或一项成熟的技术，一定要符合用户的使用习惯。因为人类对于外界事物常常犯先入为主的错误，如果我们在设计产品时能注意到用户的这种错误倾向并将错就错，就会使用户觉得我们的产品容易上手。当然，做到这一点要求我们对设计产品游刃有余。
计算机在使得现代产品在行为上越来越符合人类的使用习惯中起了很大作用。我利用课余时间学习了许多计算机专业课程，例如：《网络与通信》《操作系统》，《离散数学》，《数据结构与算法》，《计算机系统组成及工作原理》，《软件工程》，《数据库》，《计算机体系结构》， “C语言”， “VisualBasic”。平时所学的计算机知识在我毕业设计时给予了丰厚的回报，我只用14天就干了一个普通学生3个月的工作量并得到了导师的认可。我喜欢利用计算机控制和可编程逻辑控制器(Programmable Logical controller)使机械装置的性能更加强大。
在中国，机电一体化是国家重点发展的五大前沿学科之一。我所在的机电一体化专业是本校科研成果最多、师资力量最强的专业。我得过奖学金，我的英语和计算机水平在系里是第一的，我连续四次英语考试系里第一。而我在计算机编程方面的能力，已经不能仅仅用系里第一来形容，我凭借自己的计算机知识在社会上赚钱，帮助私营企业在Internet上寻找信息。就综合素质而言，我的能力在同年级全系103个人里位于前5名。贵学校能够提供机一体化这个专业，充分说明了贵校在美国工程领域的领先地位。我全力对贵校的机电一体化专业提出申请，由于不同国家的文化差别，在贵校的学习，一定能给我带来耳目一新的感觉，使我在思考问题时能从新的角度获得突破。我喜欢在贵校继续从事与机电一体化或机器人相关专业的研究工作。
如何弥补科研成果不足（经济类）
原作者经济系本科毕业后没有从事本专业的工作，现在想去国外接着学经济，要把资格和动机讲清楚不容易。文科学生相对科研成果要少一些，但在这篇文章中，通过对他自己编刊物，听著名教授厉以宁的课等等的描写，比较有效地弥补了这一不足，更全面地反映了作者生活的各个层次。这篇文章有些用词较讲究，读者或可借鉴。
A graduate from a management program who has worked in sales and promotion for four years, I now would like to pick up my academic career as an economist. By so doing, I hope that I can eventually play a leadership role in China's ongoing economic reforms.
I did my undergraduate studies at the Beijing-based Northern University, one of the country's top institutions of higher learning. I entered into this university in 1990 on the strength of my performance in the National University Entrance Examinations, held once every year to screen high school graduates for post-secondary education. My scores in these exams were so great that they constituted the highest total in my county, which made me something of a celebrity in my whole province.
With my education at the Northern, I was solidly grounded in the fundamentals. Studying industriously, I had an overall GPA of 3.3, the fifth highest in our department. My GPA in the courses of my major was even higher, standing at 3.7. I was granted the "Excellent Studies Prize" in 1991 and the "Outstanding Undergraduate Student Scholarship" by the Dept. of Management in 1992 and 1993.
I did not limit myself to academic studies at the university. Campus life was colorful, and I made full use of all the opportunities to enrich myself. As a freshman, I worked for the Information Department of the university's Student Union. My performance was such that I was appointed the head of the department for a term of two years between 1991 and 1993. The position gave me a platform from which I founded two periodicals, the "Management Brief" and the "Future Entrepreneur". In these periodicals, I wrote profusely about topics relating to the economic reforms and general business management. To fund these publications, I led a group of students in offering computer training programs to the unskilled, which was unique on our campus then. All this not only enriched my student life but also helped me to improve my ability in many ways. One of the benefits is that I became an effective writer. In a 1992 composition contest, I was awarded the first-class prize for my essay.
Thanks to my reputation as both a distinguished student and a student organizer, I was offered a job at the university in 1994 after obtaining my bachelor's degree. I first worked at the Sales Department, responsible for product sales and advertisements. Now, I am the director's assistant, responsible for wage management, bonus management, drafting regulation and so on. Four years of working experience has taught me how to put textbook skills and knowledge into practice. All the while, I have been improving my academic qualifications. I now wish to study abroad to further my academic career.
Knowing that computers are essential for doing sophisticated research, I made special efforts in mastering computer technologies. I trained myself in a host of programming languages, including the BASIC, Pascal and FoxBASE. Using my programming skills, I have designed a "Personnel Management Information System" and a "Sales Management Information System", which have markedly improved efficiency in my office. Building on the computer skills I learned as a student, I have in recent years made myself versed in FoxPro, Access, and Visual Basic. Now I am planning to design a comprehensive management system for my institute to improve management efficiency.
Taking part in various academic activities to hone my ability to do research is an indispensable part of my strategy to improve myself. In the past four years, I have taken part in a number of research projects, including the "External Economics for Research and Technology (R&E) Development" project at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, the "International Business Management Bibliography" at the Tsinghua University and the "Washing Machine and Refrigerator Market Research" project for the International Consulting Ltd. The more I take part in these activities, the more I feel I need to study further.
My interest in economics was first ignited in my undergraduate years, when I was listening to a lecture "Planned Economy and Market Economy" by the preeminent Chinese economist Li Yining, a professor of the Beijing University, a few blocks away from my university. The thinking he displayed in that lecture on the Chinese economy was so sharp and intriguing that I have focused my academic interest on economics ever since. To pursue my this interest, I took a number of economics-related courses, such as Political Economics, Industrial Economics, Technological Economics, Management Economics, Economic Law, Marketing and Market Research Finance. I also took the care to train myself in mathematics fundamentals, such as Liner Algebra, Probability and Statistics, Industrial Statistics. Books like "Western Economics" and "Comparative Economics" have been my favorite reading materials. By taking these courses, I learned new economic concepts and theories, and thus broadened my perspectives and sharpened my insights.
New perspectives and insights are what China needs as it continues its reforms and modernization drive. Unlike developed countries in the West, which have practiced market economics for several hundred years, China has been trying to adopt market principles for only twenty years. The problems waiting to be solved are so many and so complex that even the bravest of the brightest can feel daunted. As the country tries to restructure and rejuvenate its larger, state-owned enterprises, a host of challenges, not the least of which are financial crisis, unemployment, inflation and so on, are rattling the nation. Nobody seems to be sure what China will face a few years down the road. Can China keep growing? Or will it suffer irreversible setbacks? On top its domestic problems, how will China cope with the international competition?
To help answer these questions, I need to further refine my expertise in economics. I hope to become one of the country's own economists armed with a sophisticated understanding of both the complex reality in China and the general market principles and theories that apply throughout the world, like it or not. Your institution, with a highly qualified faculty, is the university I have long admired. I am confident that, under your seasoned guidance, I can give full play to my potential and realize my career goal.
讲好故事首尾呼应（化学类）
要么不讲故事，要讲就要讲好。 要讲好，必须首尾呼应，并与文章的主题紧密联系。
"Why on earth does anybody want to do 5000-meter heel-and-toe walking race for a sport?" This is the question people invariably ask when they see me practice or compete on the track field. My response to that question is often a simple one: "Why not?"
Yes, why not! I have built good physical stamina because of it; I have made friends through competition; I have learnt valuable lessons about persevering and never giving up. Above all, I enjoy winning the game. It is true my favorite sport is not as graceful as gymnastics or as exciting as 100-meter dash, at least not so according to popular belief. But this sporting event has helped me through the years as I plod along as a student and as a researcher.
Ever since I was a child, I have taken a liking to reading. Science was, and still is, my passion. I remember spending long hours reading Science, Nature, Polymer, Macromolecules, Physical Review and an assortment of other science books and journals. The more I read, the greater my appetite for learning. Despite the heavy workload from school, I always managed my time carefully so that I could explore science above and beyond what the school curricula covered. I did not limit myself just to science, however. I read Chinese and English novels and derived much pleasure from the fictitious world. I also devoted much of my time learning to write and speak English, another favorite subject matter of mine at school.
While an undergraduate, I majored in organic chemistry. One of the projects required that I synthesize PE-PP copolymer by using Ziegler-Natta catalyst. I gained much hands-on experience as I worked on various experiments. Later, I joined in the feasibility analysis of a PC engineering plastic, a project that provided an opportunity to learn about literature search, data gathering and research tools.
For my graduation thesis, I chose to work on the preparation of high modulus PAN carbon-fiber. It was a challenging topic because nobody in the college had ever tackled it. Together with my advisers and my fellow students, I spent numerous hours in the lab brainstorming, recording, observing and experimenting. There were frustrating moments of course, but we were able to come up with creative solutions and make significant headway in the research. Even though I was not the only one participating in this huge and on-going project and I did not stay long enough to see its completion, I was proud of my contribution as well as the accolades I earned from my professors for my thesis. My GPA was consistently among the highest in my class.
In 1996, I was enrolled at Beijing Institute of Clothing as a graduate student majoring in chemical fiber, with a special research focus on the structures and properties of PET-PA6 blend fiber. There, I was fortunate to be working in a well-equipped research environment with experienced specialists and sophisticated instruments. Much of my time was devoted to the study of polymer physics and instrumental analysis of polymer involving NMR, X-ray, DSC and SEM.
To be sure, China still pales in comparison with the United States in the area of polymer research and application. And yet, it is such a promising area. I personally believe that functional polymers, polymer blends, polymer rheology and the study of polymer structure hold very bright future. There is a wealth of information available in the States that I can tap into; a great many best-in-class research facilities to choose from and some world-renowned experts to work with. It is an ideal place for aspiring polymer scientists to keep current with the latest technologies, to set research trends, and to make innovations.
It is against this backdrop that I am applying for the doctoral program in Polymer Science at Pennsylvania State University. I know the University has one of the best NACC football programs and I am curious to learn about the game. But it is the program offerings at the Department of Chemical Engineering and Material Science that capture my interest because they fit uniquely into my academic and research plan.
Given my solid grounding in mathematics, polymer chemistry and polymer physics, I can concentrate and excel in the following research areas:
(1) Polymer Characterization
(2) Polymer Computer Simulation
(3) Functional Polymer Synthesis
(4) Polymer Processing, Rheology
(5) Structure-Property Relationships of Polymer
Determination, dedication and confidence, these are the qualities that I developed over the years on the running track. These are also the same qualities that I will bring to the more challenging work ahead of me as I seek to pursue my further studies in the U.S.
传播类-原稿
Background:
Three years ago, I was admitted to Peking University with the fifth highest scores in Beijing in National Entrance Examination for University. I was also rewarded national excellent student in the same year. In PKU, with a major in advertising, I find a new world more suitable to my extensive interests. Our required courses range from the practical drawing skill to the abstract advanced mathematics. In addition, I choose optionals in various fields such as Russian literature and history of China to improve my knowledge. Study well in all these courses is a real challenge to me. I spend a lot of time in the library and think of many questions. My hardworking is paid off in my high rank in the class(23 students).I keep in the top three and won Excellent Academic Scholarship in three consecutive years. Due to my outstanding performance in study, I was elected the academic monitor in my class.
Work Experience:
The more I learn in the campus, the more urgently I hope to see the real world outside the ivory tower. So from the first summer vacation in the university, when most of my friends and classmates are rest at home or travelling around, I applied for a temporary job in the China Sports Daily YaXing Advertising Agency. They appointed me as the account executive assistant. At that time the Atlantic Olympic Games were on, my duty was organizing a promotion activity relative to the Games in the Newspaper. Through this job, I began to recognize the conditions in China advertising industry.
In the first semester of the academic tear 1996-1997, I was selected to fit a position in PKU TV Net.This job is a invaluable opportunity to train my ability in journalism. Being a Weekly News host give me the confidence to face tens of thousand audiences. When creating the series reports "PKU students' life", I learn to think independently and cooperate with others. This program is mainly about the students who have won prizes in national and international contest such as Olympic mathematics contest. And due to our creative mind and hardworking, it is ranked one of the best programs in PKU TV Net by the audience.
From September 1997, I was invited to be the research assistant in China Central Television Qiantu Advertising company. It is the sixth biggest advertising company in China and supported by CCTV,the biggest TV Net in China. My responsibility is to establish a market database.This is a difficult task for me. But I drew on my knowledge and do my best to finish the task. My work proved to be efficient and profitable.
Apart from these jobs, I have do some part-time jobs including market promoter in President Food Corporation and research assistant in S&D Research Agency.
Now I am on an internship in Dentsu Young&Rubican Advertising Corporation, which is a corporation among two international famous advertising company and the biggest advertising company in China. Through all my work experience, especially in this corporation, I feel the urgency to improve the theory and practice level in China advertising industry. The best way is to learn from advanced countries such as the U.S. or Japan. In this corporation, I also recognize management is the key to their success and the solution to our problems. These experiences firm my decision to study abroad and bring back their advanced theories and experiences to develop my own country.
Teaching Experience:
Due to my master of calligraphy. I was invited to teach calligraphy in China Children's Center,the best activity center for children in China.My students are mostly from 6 to 12 years old. Understanding aesthetics of Chinese calligraphy is difficult for them. So I teach them Chinese poems and ancient characters instead of restrict to calligraphy itself. After they familiar with Chinese culture,the source of Chinese calligraphy, they begin to understand the calligraphy and improve their skills quickly. I often help some of my teachers with their English learning. Sometimes I help some of my peers with their lessons. From these teaching experiences, I gain skills of communication with others, how to understand their problems and find answers with them and how to convey my knowledge to them.
Publications:
Half a year ago, an editor from the famous magazine "auditor" was impressed by my program on TV. She found me and commissioned me to contribute articles to her magazine. I took a delight in accepting it. Because I think articles can carry my ideas to large audience and maybe I can help them solve some problems. This magazine is mainly for officials and clerks in the government. My aim is to inform these people with knowledge about experience and theories in western countries, giving them some reference to make important decisions. I believe my articles may help them make wiser judgements.
Special Skills:
I have practised Chinese calligraphy for over ten years. I am fascinated about this Chinese traditional art. Because it acts as a window for me to see Chinese profound culture and Chinese spirits.My works have been on show both in China and in Japan for several times. I also won many prizes in national and international contests.
My photography skill is not as good as my calligraphy. But I believe I have a keen sense of it. To me a camera is a tool of creating instead of a machine for recording the real world. My photographs have won some fame in the campus.
English Skills:
I just finished translating an English book"The Histroy of Graphic Design" into Chinese. This is a commission to my department and the teacher taking charge in it invite me to join him. So I became one of the five translators of this book. It is a prove of my proficiency in reading English. I assure you my writing,listening and oral English is as good as my reading English. My English language is more efficient in practice than in tests.
Plan of Study:
My friends often ask me,"Why do you want to study abroad? You are promising in China and leave here you may lose a lot." They are right. I will be a graduate from the best university in China ,my major is booming in China. I will have enough money and adequate status to guarantee myself a comfortable life. But I can only feel satisfied when I develop all my intellectual capabilities and being a useful person to the society. I need to open up my mind in an open environment.
In the process of my undergraduate learning, I have obtained some academic background in advertising. In order to enhance my capabilities and further establish my background, I plan to pursue graduate studies in fields as advertising, mass communication and communication. If you think me qualified or more qualified for advanced studies in areas other than those I have mentioned, I would greatly appreciate it if you could let me know any suggestions that you may have.
Facing a coming new century, I feel the urgency to find new possibilities for this new century both in China and in the world. The advertising industry in China is prosperous now, but it needs suitable theories to support its practice. On the other hand, western advanced theories need some new things for further development. When I study in the U.S. I will bring the introspective Chinese spirit and profound Chinese culture that I learn from Chinese calligraphy to the advanced theories and help to break new ground for the new century. After my graduate studies, I can bring back the theories and experience from the U.S. and contribute to China's advertising progress. In this way, I will help to establish a reciprocal learning between two cultures.
The University of Texas is well known for its excellence the advertising and communication fields, complete with an accomplished faculty and modern research resources. Its students are from various nations. These should set a good stage for me to communicate and learn from different cultures. If I am accepted, I believe I can make quick progress in advertising and communication fields and my potential will develop into knowledge and experience beneficial to both the U.S. and China.
I plan to return to China after the completion of my graduate studies either to teach at one of the larger Chinese universities or to lead a Chinese advertising company.
传播类-改后稿
A student of the Peking University's inaugural program of advertising, I am writing in support of my application for acceptance into your graduate program of communication studies. With my solid education and my professional experience that is as colorful as it is rare, I believe that, with your seasoned guidance, I can build upon my strong background, for a pioneering career in China's booming advertising industry.
At Peking University, dubbed the Harvard of China by President Clinton on his recent trip to China, I have been a student star on campus due to my outstanding academic performances. When I entered into this university in 1995, I already stood out among my crop of freshmen, having won a total of scores in the 1995 National College Entrance Examinations that was the fifth highest in Beijing. A fervent fan of my chosen subject of studies, I have proved myself as much of an intellectual wizard in higher learning as I was in grade school, as demonstrated by my grades, which placed me at the very top in my class of 23. My GPA in the first three years is 89.5, a rarely seen high grade in PKU. My GPA for core courses is over 90, far higher than that of my fellow students. I was the only one who received 100, the full mark, in two theoretical courses, the advanced mathematics and appreciation of fine arts. In practical courses like computer design, my grades were also high, sometimes as high as 96. In recognition of such stellar performances, I have been named the top student of the department and granted Academic Excellence Scholarships for three consecutive years. I was elected the Student Representative for Academic Affairs.
But I was no bookworm. To broaden my vision and enrich my knowledge, I also chose electives in such fields as Russian Literature and Chinese History. I have spent considerably more time in the library than my classmates. The more I learnt on campus, the more I hoped to see the real world outside the ivory tower. So in the first summer recess, I applied for a temporary job at the Yaxing Advertising Agency, affiliated with the China Sports Daily, when most of my friends and classmates were enjoying themselves at home or travelling around. Appointed as the accounting executive assistant, I helped organize a promotional event for the Atlantic Olympic Games. This job gave me a picture of China's advertising industry.
In the first semester of the academic year 1996-1997, I worked part-time with the PKU TV Net, where I was offered a splendid opportunity to improve my ability in journalism. Being a Weekly News broadcaster, I regularly faced tens of thousands of audience, which greatly increased my confidence. I learnt to think independently and cooperate with others when doing the series reports "PKU students' life", a program which was mainly about student recipients of prizes in national and international contests. Conducted with creativity and diligence, the program was placed among the best programs in the PKU TV Net.
Unlike most other students, I have never stopped working while in school. From September 1997 on, I have been working as a research assistant in CCTV's Qiantu Advertising Company, the sixth biggest in China. My responsibility is to establish a market database. Difficult as it was, I have handled it without a glitch. I have also done part-time work helping to promote the President Food Corporation and served as a research assistant in the S & D Research Agency, a consulting firm specialized in conducting market surveys for multinationals in China.
With special skills in Chinese calligraphy, I taught calligraphy in the China Children's Center, the best of its kind in China. My students, mostly six to twelve years old, had difficulties in understanding the aesthetics inherent Chinese calligraphy. To help them, I taught them Chinese poems and ancient characters instead of confining myself to only calligraphy. The approach turned out to be very effective, and their skills improved dramatically. In these and other similar experiences, I gained skills of interpersonal communication, particularly in terms of how to understand other people's problems and how to help them out.
It is in my working experience that I first developed the desire to pursue advanced studies in a quality graduate program in the United States. As an intern with the Dentsu Young & Rubicam Advertising Corporation, one of the world's largest communications groups, I now witness firsthand the dramatic social and economic changes engendered by the proliferation of digital technologies and increasing corporate globalization. These changes have created the highly sophisticated information society. Trying daily to develop wordings that could catch people's attention in this complex society, I have acquired a heightened sense of urgency about improving China's advertising industry at both theoretical and practical levels. I believe that advertising expertise from such advanced countries as the U.S. and Japan would certainly help China. In order to command such expertise and then introduce it to my country, I am making this application so that I can have a firm grasp of the advanced theories and practices your country has developed in communication field, particularly in respect of advertising.
I believe that my English proficiency is more than sufficient for me to undertake the kind of studies that I am seeking through this application. I have scored well in such English language tests as TOEFL and GRE. As a better indicator of my practical language skills, I just finished translating an English book "The History of Graphic Design" into Chinese together with four other translators, including a professor. My writing, listening and oral English are as good as my reading.
This application is being made with a sense of mission. As an undergraduate, I have learned the basics of advertising, and I would be promising in China as a graduate from one of the country's best universities. With a booming advertising industry in China, I will surely secure a well-paying job. But I cannot be satisfied unless I can help my country as much I help myself. For that, I wish to enhance my capabilities by pursuing graduate studies in such fields as mass communication, communication studies or media studies at a university in North America, where these genres of studies are much more developed than in China. Whatever program I get in, I would like my studies to be focused on the theories of and practices in advertising. If you find me qualified for advanced studies in areas other than those I have mentioned, I would greatly appreciate it if you could let me know any suggestions that you may have.
The University of Hawaii is well known for its unique position as a bridge between east and west. It is well known for its excellence in the communication field, complete with an accomplished faculty and modern research resources. With students from various nations, it provides its students with a good chance to learn from different cultures. It is an ideal place for communication studies. If I am accepted, I believe I can make quick progress in communication studies in general, and in advertising in particular.
I plan to return to China after the completion of my graduate studies either to teach at one of the larger Chinese universities or to lead a Chinese advertising company. In either case, I will bring back what I will have learned. I hope that, when the history of modern advertising in China is written, I will be remembered as one of those who have played a pioneering role in the development of the industry.
国际关系类-原稿
PROLOGUE
Ranked the first in my school at the National Entrance Examination for University, I graduated from high school in 1994 and was admitted to Department of International Politics at Renmin University of China, one of the national leading departments of international politics in China.
Full of pride, I began my new term's study. However, I soon found that I was just in the middle of the class because others are also superb students in high school, some of them are even the top ten students in their provinces. Moreover, I faced lots of barricades in the study such as not used to the class approaches of the foreign teachers. I felt very upset at first, but after several days of thinking, I said to myself: It is a challenge to you. Face it and try to win!
Four years later, because of my outstanding academic performance, I was accepted into the graduate program of my university without the normally mandatory admission test. Retrospecting the past and hoping for the future, I say to myself again: It is time for you to pursue another challenge, a completely new one!
PREVIOUS EDUCATION
The undergraduate study really made me a hard period of time, but the harvest was rewarding. During the four years, I devoted myself to politics and economics courses such as Political Science, International Relations, International Organization, International Finance and International Trade, etc. As you can see from my transcript, I excelled in all these courses and my GPA as an undergraduate constant ranked the first among the 40 students of my year.
In my junior and senior years, I have lucubrated a lot of classic works of international relations including Politics among Nations, Theory of International Politics, War and Change in World Politics, Power and Interdependence: World Politics in Transition. Also I frequented the library to read a number of journals, such as American Political Science Review, International Organization, World Politics, Foreign Affairs, etc. By doing so, I kept myself well informed of the latest development in these fields, and advanced my skills in reading as well as writing in English. Due to my drive to excel and my industrious study, I was awarded various kinds of honors and scholarships.
Enterprising and creative, I have played many leadership roles ever since in primary school. From 1995 to 1998, I was chosen through public appraisal as Leader of International Politics Class. I was involved with various key activities, including academic affairs, external affairs, orientation, public service and student affairs. I also organized social activitiey for the student body. This experience provides me admirable leadership, team building, and negotiation opportunities. In addition, the class was awarded by Education bureaucracy of Beijing as "Excellent class of Beijing" in succession.
RESEARCH EXPERIENCE
I know to be a successful scientific researcher requires not only high academic potential, but also independent research ability. The graduate education is more than a continuation of undergraduate study, and is of not only a matter of the greater depth of knowledge, but of its aim of preparing students to enter a profession in which the knowledge acquired is put into daily use. A student w ill develop capability for independent research by working closely with a scholar, whose work can serve as a model.
So, to earn the research experience for the future, I applied for the Center for European Studies of Renmin University of China and was admitted to began my research career in early 1998. The center is directed by the distinguished Professor Song Xinning, Vice Chairman of Department of International Politics, cooperated with several professors from social sciences research divisions of Renmin University who are doing research on Europe. In such a scientific atmosphere, I have leaned not only the advanced approaches for research, but also the most important for a prospective researcher----interests and serious attitude in scientific research. During this period, I was fortunate to be able to attend several workshops and discuss some ideas on international relations with overseas visiting professors. These opportunities not only introduced me to new politic science concepts and theories, but also broadened my perspective and gave me new insights into the depth of my field.
Because of my satisfied performance, I was allowed by Professor Song to be a research assistant in the project "China Policy of the Clinton Administration in it Second Term," which is headed by himself.
RESEARCH INTEREST
I believe I have acquired the necessary theoretical framework and sufficient practical experience for further studies. If I am accepted, I will pursue International relations as my major and Comparative Policy Analysis as my minor fields of study. I am confident that I can make quick progress in my fields, especially in the areas of international relations theory, international political economy, foreign policy and international security.
WHY I APPLY FOR XXXXXX?
To pursue the graduate study is both intellectually exhilarating and challenging. Decision on which school to attend is one's biggest investment in life. Keeping this in mind, I consider xxxxxx my First Choice. The graduate program of xxxxxx plays a pioneering role in international studies and consistantly ranks among the leaders in the United States. Complete with a distinguished faculty and outstanding research resources, it sets a ideal stage for me to exercise my keen mental power and diligence.
EPILOGUE
After the completion of my Ph.D., I plan to return to China studies to devote myself to teaching. Cherishing what I have learned at xxxxxx, I will have many things in mind to do: foster international studies in China, invite leading scholars to visit China, and organize international conferences for the exchange of ideas.
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. I am excited about International Relations research, and I am dreaming of enjoying the challenge that you will offer.
国际关系类-改后稿
An MA student who enjoys intellectual challenges, I am applying for acceptance into your doctoral program so that I can scale grander intellectual heights in the academic world.
I am the kind of person who cannot stand being the second best in any group or situation. When I graduated from high school in 1994, I scored my school's highest total of scores in the National University Entrance Examinations, which won me acceptance into the Department of International Politics at People's University of China. I was full of pride and entertained bright dreams. But, once I entered into this leading higher-learning institution in international politics, I found that my academic standing was only somewhere in the middle echelon of a competitive band of students. I still remember that my typical pride of a young man was wounded upon being told that the total of scores in the Entrance Examinations earned by some of my classmates were among the top 10 highest in the country. The mediocre status I had among this group of highly intelligent youngsters was too much a blemish to my record, since I had got used to top honors and prizes since my childhood. I also found myself troubled by the way my international teachers taught, which seemed to be highly demanding to me at the time.
I am recounting this experience of mine only to demonstrate a quality I believe I possess - the ability to excel in the face of challenges. In fact, the outcome of my efforts in undergraduate studies did prove that the determination that I conceived at the beginning of college years to excel my classmate was not a breed of vanity. By the time I completed my four years of undergraduate studies, I had outperformed most of my classmates. On the strength of my outstanding academic record, I was chosen by my professors to enter into the graduate program of my university without having to pass the normally mandatory admission test, a privilege that is only reserved for the very best students each graduation year.
Four years of undergraduate studies equipped me with basic research skills in international politics, and my outstanding performance naturally placed me on the path to higher academic pursuits. As a highly motivated undergraduate, I took many politics and economics courses, such as Political Science, International Relations, International Organization, International Finance and International Trade, as you can see from my transcripts. My overall GPA ranked me first among the 40 students of my academic year, wining me top honors. I was one of the 80, selected from the university's 8,000 students, to receive the Excellent Academic Achievement Scholarship (First Class) in the 1994-95 school year. In the 1995-1996 school year, I was one of university's 15 students awarded the BaoGang Scholarship (First Prize). In the 1996-1997 school year, I received the Outstanding Academic Performance Scholarship, one of the only five students at the university who earned this honor.
In my junior and senior years, having grasped a basic understanding of the discipline, I started to read many classic works on international relations, including Politics among Nations, Theory of International Politics, War and Change in World Politics, and Power and Interdependence: World Politics in Transition. I also frequented the library to read a host of journals on a regular basis. By reading critically such authoritative publications as American Political Science Review, International Organization, World Politics, and Foreign Affairs, I kept myself well informed of the latest academic research findings and also improved my English language skills.
To cultivate other capabilities, I also engaged myself in extracurricular activities. From 1995 to 1998, I was elected president of the International Politics Class, a departmental student association responsible for the management of academic studies, extracurricular activities, student orientation programs and other student affairs. Serving as president of the association, I was closely involved in the communication and collaboration with other student organizations and sometimes took part in the activities organized by them. By organizing those extracurricular activities, I trained myself in leadership and organization skills. The Class performed exceptionally well, winning "Excellent Class of Beijing" for several years in a row, an award given by Beijing Education Bureau to the best student associations of the capital. As a graduate student, I was designated an Excellent University Graduate of Beijing (1997-1998) for my outstanding academic and extracurricular performance, an award given to only 200 students in Beijing a year.
I began my graduate research with the aim of acquiring abilities in doing independent research because I believe that advanced education is more than a continuation of undergraduate studies. The graduate work should not only lead a student deeper into the ocean of research but also train him to enter a profession in which his acquired knowledge is constantly required in his daily work. A desirable graduate education should involve a student to consciously build up his independent research abilities by working closely with a distinguished scholar whose research work can be modeled after. It is with this understanding that I began my research career at the Center for European Studies of People's University in early 1998. The center, directed by distinguished Professor Song Xinning, Deputy Head of the Department of International Politics, is manned by several professors with European research background from social sciences divisions of the People's University. Immersed in this stimulating environment, I have been well trained in advanced research methodologies. By attending workshops and seminars presented by visiting professors from overseas, I acquainted myself with new concepts and theories in political science, broadening my disciplinary perspective and gaining insights into the field. Satisfied with my performance, Professor Song hired me as his research assistant to work on a project headed by himself, China Policy of the Clinton Administration in its Second Term.
I believe I have acquired the necessary theoretical framework and practical experience for advanced studies. If I am accepted, I will pursue graduate studies on international relations as my major and comparative policy analysis as my minor field of study. Equipped with the ability to teach myself and conduct independent research, I will be able to attain competence quickly in areas that I may at first know very little about. I am confident that I can make quick progress in my fields, especially in international relations theory, international political economy, foreign policy and international security.
To me, graduate studies are as intellectually exhilarating as they are challenging. Choosing which school to attend and what degree to pursue is not an easy decision. After careful evaluation and comparison, I have now settled on applying to your distinguished graduate school as my first choice, because I believe that the courses I can select from your curriculum can best train me for the realization of my goals. The graduate program of xxxxx, ranking among the best in the United States, is playing a pioneering role in international studies. I believe your school sets an ideal stage for me to exercise my mental power and diligence, and that my intended disciplinary training can be best pursued with the aid of your distinguished faculty and remarkable research facilities.
After I complete the program, I plan to devote myself to a teaching career in China. With the friendship I can strike in your program with both students and faculty, I should be able to arrange academic exchanges by inviting leading scholars to visit China. Such exchanges will be conducive to building up shared understanding between China and the US about the world and the relationships our respective countries enjoy with each other. China undoubtedly takes its relationship with the US as its most important relationship with any foreign country, and, correspondingly, the US is attaching increasing importance to its relationship with China. As American politicians have realized, the nature of Sino-US relationship will determine, to a large extent, whether the 21st century is one of peace or conflict. As China strives to feed its exploding population, it cannot do without a peaceful international environment. I would like to attain the necessary knowledge and forge the necessary understanding so that I can help your country and mine coexist in peace in the coming century.
化学类
With the approach of new century, the developing China is requiring better trained and more highly educated men and women than ever before in history. In order to make more contributions to the society and, at the same time, satisfy my keen interest in science, I am looking forward to beginning my graduate study. I heard of Case Western Reserve University as early as when I was an undergraduate student. She is one of the most highly regarded universities in the world and is an ideal place for ambitious youth.
I plan to study for Ph. D. in Biochemistry at Case Western Reserve University with special interests in metabolism, macromolecular synthesis, and protein crystal growth. I have had plentiful preparations. First, when being an undergraduate in the Department of Chemical Engineering at Tsinghua University, I got very extensive and intensive education. I took many courses on chemistry and the related subjects, and earned high scores for most of them. Second, my major, Polymer, can be put into good use in Biochemistry programs because Polymer is closely related with biological Macromolecule. Third, I have working experience that enriches my theory and laboratory skills.
From 1990 to now, I have been engaged as an Assistant Engineer by the Research institute, Beijing Yanshan Petrochemical Corporation(RIBYPC). In the first year, I was in charge of a 5-litre reactor for polymerization of Carboxylated Butadiene-Styene Latex. Then I was transferred to another research group to synthesize PET/PHB copolymer, a kind of polyester, which has the property of Liquid Crystal. I am the assistant head of the group. We can prepare the novel polymer with high molecule weight and excellent property in a 2-litre stainless steel reactor. During this period, I independently developed the technology of preparing p-acetoxybenzoic acid, one of the monomers, with purity of more than 99.99%; this made my leader very satisfied.
More than four years of working experiences expand my capacity. I often make use of NMR, X-ray, DSC, and other instrumental methods for research. Among them, I am most skilled in NMR theory and its application in chemical and structural analysis. Because I have to operate steel reactors, I have experiences on solving problems of Engineering and Mechanics. What is more, I am familiar with computer operation and some application software. The above information about my specialty may be helpful for you to evaluate me.
It is said that the 21st century will be the age of Life Science. I hope to enter the esteemed Case Western Reserve University to face this challenge. I am confident tat I shall be an excellent fellow. After completing my graduate study, I would like to return to my homeland and make use of my knowledge to serve the people.
By the way, I would like to give thanks to my parents. Being their oldest son, I am offered the most formal education and the deepest love. I never forget the 18 years' life with them. Twelve years in the countryside and six years in Shengli Oil Field bestowed me the character of diligence, resolution, and perseverance, as well as the deep love of nature and life. I am also indebted to my dear wife. Without her never-ended encouragement and support in these years, I could not become closer and closer to the gate of the eminent Case Western Reserve University.
计算机类
Knowing where one is heading during navigation brings assured happiness. As a student majoring in Computer Software, I began my odyssey four years ago. Now，after the initial mysticism was gradually unveiled, my curiosity remains the same. Indeed, having entered this splendid computer world, I am more than greedy for something new.
From the beginning of my study, my endeavor was fixed on the underlying branches of Computer Science, particularly System Software development. Novel applications on other's platform may be fruitful, but I think it's more appealing to act as an independent “manager”. In fact, mathematics, OS, DBMS and modern compiler are all the examples, any breakthrough of which would push forward the whole industry. Individuality is achieved in this unique position.
My paces toward this goal are always steady. As mathematics permeates to the every corner of Computer Science, I am eager to see how it functions. I took courses offered by the Mathematics Department including Mathematical Analysis and Advanced Algebra. The curriculum also covered Discrete Mathematics, Probability & Statistics and Theoretical Computer Science. As supplement to my scope of knowledge, I learn by myself Combinational Mathematics and the Science of Programming. This really made a hard period of time, but the harvest was rewarding. I come to understand that even the most irrelevant software disciplines have the origins in common. The importance of Fractural Geometry in Computer Graphics is already obvious. What if a step further toward TSP or Bin Packing? Immeasurable. Then came my favorite topics: Operating System, Compiler and Database. I worked hard and derived bits of my own insight. In fact, I was greatly encouraged to find some of my ideas successfully implemented in the corresponding course projects. My final grade is straight “As” in these courses. In short, although my experience in Computer Science is still limited, I believe its depth is well accessible. As my advisor, Prof. Fang Yu, put it figuratively in one of his lectures: “It makes no difference whether a hunter captures 5 or 7 ” rabbits. What counts is he knows how to use his gun.”
I think I can be the qualified shooter now. In my undergraduate years, I have earned various kinds of scholarships, among which were “Peking University Fellowship” and “Excellent Academic Scholarship”. My overall GPA ranks upper 10% among 48 students of the same grade. Because of my satisfactory performance, I was granted the honor of entering the graduate program at Peking University directly, waived of the admission test. In retrospect, my work load is always heavy but it is worth my time of effort. Presently, I have both adequate theoretical understanding and rich programming experience. READY I AM.
Of all the subareas of Computer Science, my major interest is parallel processing and the related compiler construction. The terminology of parallel processing came to me when I read an article about digital circuit testing. According to this article, there exist many serial approaches of solving the automatic test pattern generation (ATPG) problem. Though certain method of solving ATPG sometimes proved efficient, the computation time for a method of solving ATPG sometimes proved efficient, the computation time for a complete result is intolerable. Then a parallel processing machine is proposed. Using parallelized ATPG method, this NP complete dilemma is ingeniously handled. After reading, I surprisingly realized that parallel processing opened a new window for the computationally intensive problems which prove intractable for the VON NEUMANN Architecture. You can always first split a specific computational task into several independent divisions, then assign each part to a certain processor. With reasonable partition and proper synchronization, most grueling scientific applications can be reduced to normal scale problems.
With the advent of the multiprocessor architecture, compiler optimization faced a new challenge. A compiler not only has to translate, but it is also responsible for generating parallel-processing instructions for higher efficiency. For instance, because a loop's body often executes many times, loop provides a rich opportunity of exploiting parallelism. Therefore, finding an optimum strategy for loops because a hot research topic. On the whole, parallelism changes our view toward the conventional computer architecture so that the compiler's construction must make the corresponding modification. Because of this challenging characteristic, I choose them to be my interest of future study.
Yet parallel processing is far from maturity. It has been observed that some sequential algorithms can be easily translated into fast parallel algorithms while some others may not. Is every sequential computation can be done efficiently in parallel? If not, what properties result in such distinction? Another unsettled problem is: programming parallel computers now is like programming serial computers in the 1960s. Programmers get locked into a particular manufacturer's computers. Is it possible for us to design a higher level language for parallel computers that hides the underlying machine architecture from users? Both are crying out for solution.
Without advanced knowledge, I can do nothing but wait. In order to convert my undergraduate study into full play, graduate education is a necessity. From the college guide and my advisor's recommendation, I am pleased to learn that your department has an academic atmosphere where originality is appreciated and individual potential is explored. It will be the best place for my specialized study. If possible, my main interest in the future will be in the following areas:
□ Parallel processing, Compiler construction.
□ Distributed/concurrent systems, Operating system.
□ Machine learning, Automated fault diagnosis.
As my undergraduate education is very basic, if you feel that I am more suited for some other areas, any of your suggestion would be highly appreciated.
Upon the completion of my study, I would return to Peking University and teach what I've learned to the students. Then I shall establish a research center to experiment new ideas. It is my ultimate goal to see the Chinese computer products leading the global market in the next century. After all, the navigation is not over yet！
工程类
Mechanical engineering is the foundation of industry. It plays a key role in the national economy. Its broad field including general engineering, aeronautical, chemical and nuclear engineering, etc. provides a sufficient room of choice for me to realize the dream of becoming a scientist or a mechanical engineer. It was with this fact in mind that I decided to choose mechanical engineering as the major field of study for both undergraduate and graduate career at Tsinghua University.
During nearly eight years of study at Tsinghua University, I completed a total of 47 courses in undergraduate study, 14 courses in graduate study. The major courses that interested me most included: Theoretical Mechanics, Strength of Materials, Elasticity and Plasticity, Mechanical Analysis of Plastic Deformation Processes, Theory of Metal Forming, Computer Language and Programming, Mechanical Design, etc.. After graduation, I entered the First Heavy Machinery Works (in northeast of China). During this period, I became familiar with the design and manufacturing of some heavy machines, thus furthering my interest in mechanical engineering. At the same time, I found that many good ideas of design could not be put into existence because of the backwardness in raw material quality and processing techniques. This fact impelled me to concentrate my research interest on materials science and processing and the related areas. Through careful survey, I selected a subject about the quality control of heavy disc forging and took it as my research subject for master degree. After over two years of investigation, I finally made a great innovation in the forging process, making the end product rate increase from 50% to 90%. In the course of investigation and my later working after graduate study, I also found some problems that are common in mechanical industry. For example, how do cracks in products during hot metal working generate and develop? How to avoid cracks? How do non-metallic inclusions affect the properties of materials? How to control the content, shape and distribution of inclusions in final products? Solution to these problems will improve the quality of many kinds of products. But they are often difficult to be solved because they include knowledge of many disciplines and require many new research methods. I feel that what I have learned is far from sufficient to tackle all the problems. Thus I have decided to continue my education by pursuing a doctoral degree in mechanical engineering in a highly industrialized country like the United States.
I plan to complete my degree objective in 3 to 5 years and hope that I will be able to further my knowledge in areas including Solid Mechanics, Materials Science and Processes, CAD/CAM, etc.. After completing my graduate study, I will return to contribute my learning to my country. I plan to work as a researcher or a teacher at an institute or a university.
经济类
Due to the comprehensiveness of China's “Reform and Open” policies, economics plays an increasingly important role in the development of its global position. As a senior at Beijing University majoring in Economics, I feel that my field is fundamental to the progress of my country. Yet, at the same time, I realize only too well that what I have learned as an undergraduate is far from enough. Therefore, it is my desire to pursue a graduate degree in Economics at your university. If accepted, my intended concentration would be Economic Development and Public Economics.
In the process of preparing myself for advanced research, I obtained a solid academic background in mathematics, computer science and basic economic theory. In order to enhance my capabilities and further establish my background, I plan to take Probability and Econometrics as my electives during my last semester at Beijing University. During my undergraduate career I was fortunate to be able to audit several advanced graduate level courses taught by overseas professors such as Comparative Economic Systems and Advanced Macroeconomics. These classes not only introduced me to new economic concepts and theories, but also broadened my perspective and gave me new insights into the depth of my field.
After over three years of studying economics and extensive reading in related fields, I have developed my own understanding of the present Chinese economic system. I feel, and it is an idea shared by many, that the Chinese government is presently struggling to adapt a policy which would peacefully integrate the advantages of a market economy with the current Socialist system. To a certain extent, I feel that the government has been successful in implementing this aim. However, many problems have yet to be resolved. Chief among these is the problem of rejuvenating and restructuring the larger, state-owned enterprises. As a result under the Chinese socialist system, these companies not only lack a spirit of competition, but are also hopelessly overstaffed. There is a definite need to cut back on workers, many of whom are unskilled and present an unnecessary burden on these companies.
The fundamental problem here is that China lacks unemployment and social security programs, which would be able to assist and re-train these workers should they be laid off. As there are no options for them, the companies are forced to retain these laborers, creating a stagnant state which limits both production levels and net profits. While foreign-imported goods and foreign companies were scarce in China, this was not a major problem. However, the influx of foreign goods and corporations has forced China into a predicament where it can no longer afford to maintain useless employees for the benefit of the State. Should the situation here continue unchecked, China risks loosing its domestic market to foreign companies?
These ideas were the result of my field research conducted during my junior year. During that time, I studied first-handedly China's system of public economics and found it lacking in many ways. I feel that if China is ever to be a serious competitor in the world market it needs first to develop a more progressive system of public policies. For this, China will have to look to other systems which have struggled and successfully handled this same problem. My goal is to continue my education in the United States where I can not only witness the dynamics of an economic system different from ours, but also study the ways in which America's public policy could be adapted and utilized by China.
In terms of global economics, China still has much to learn. The government is far from reconciling itself with many of the principles that underlie the modern market. I also feel that the Chinese situation is unique, and, that in order to be successful, policy makers must take into consideration regional characteristics, historical tradition and social psychology when defining the course of the future. However, it is also essential that the future generations of leaders, administrators and teachers learn from other countries in order to better understand the complexity of China's role within the global economic situation.
The more China's economy is prosperous, the more it needs its own economists. Therefore, at the end of my graduate study, I intend to return to my country and contribute to China's economic progress. My ultimate goal is to teach, introducing advanced Western research methods to my country and, if possible, tackle some of the economic problems faced by my country.
I am also applying for overseas graduate study because of the fact that the United States holds the leading position in the research of my chosen field. Your institution, known for its careful and exacting work-ethic and nurturing academic atmosphere, is the university I have long admired. I am confident that with your distinguished faculty and recognized facilities, my potential will develop into knowledge and experience beneficial to both the United States and China.
语言类
In connection with my application for acceptance into your Ph. D. program, I am enclosing the following statement concerning my life, professional activities, and tentative future plans.
I was born in Xiamen, Fujian Province in China on November 8, 1969. Later, my family moved to Beijing where I grew up. I am from a family of academics. My father is a professor of linguistics and Chief of the University Journal Agency of Beijing Language and Culture University (formerly Beijing Language Institute). My mother is a professor at the same university and teaches Chinese as a foreign language. From 1991 to 1993, my mother taught Chinese at Wittenberg University, Ohio and Indiana University at Bloomington. She encouraged me to apply for admission to advanced programs in the U.S.
I graduated from high school in 1988, and received the highest scores in my school at the National Entrance Examination for Universities. This made me an “Honor Student” at the national level. Upon acceptance to Beijing Language and Culture University, my major became English, with minors in linguistics, French and computer science. I was awarded consecutive scholarships for all four years in college. During my college years, I became more and more interested in linguistics. My senior year was largely devoted to topics in linguistics, and my required thesis work focused on the influence of cultural and educational factors upon the Chinese and English languages.
After college, I was employed by Beijing Science and Technology University. For the first year and a half I was assigned to a project aimed at creating improved computer program for idiomatic English-Chinese & Chinese-English translations. This project provided me with considerable experience linguistics, and further improved my understanding of the subtleties of both English and Chinese.
Since the project completion, I have been teaching intensive English courses at Beijing Science and Technology University. Since July of 1993, I have taught English listening comprehension at Beijing Language and Culture University. The latter classes are part of a program that provides adult Chinese professionals with opportunity to improve their English.
My interest in linguistics is initially based on my desire to better comprehend the English language, and, in the process, learn more about my own language. China is now opening and engaging in ever expanding cultural and financial relations with the English-speaking countries of the West. It has struck me, as it may have occurred to many of my compatriots that negotiations to bring about these new and improved relations sometimes break down because of mutual ignorance about each other's languages. I am aware that this has been a popular problem for study, among Americans engaging in business and other fields, but I am not aware of any serious attempt to research this problem from a Chinese point of view.
Through my work in the U.S., I would hope to contribute to a better understanding of the problems inherent in the deep differences between the two languages.
I recognize that a thesis project in most graduate schools is chosen after on has studied in various programs in a department and after extensive discussion with one's professors. Nevertheless, I would hope that investigating socio-cultural differences between English and Chinese may be considered a suitable topic. Such a study would focus on the cultural, historical, traditional and educational factors which influence the two languages, and significantly contribute to possible misinterpretations.
My long term plan is to continue working on comparative aspects of English and Chinese linguistics. I strongly desire to work in an academic environment combining teaching, research and writing.
I heard that your English / Linguistics Department has a reputation for academic excellence. I am applying to your program because I desire the best education possible for my professional career.
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